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Please Remember Mother's Day Can Be Painful for Some of Us

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For us who are bereaved of our children, Mother’s Day can be a very lonely and painful day. If we are dealing with infertility, we struggle with what others rejoice in and often find ourselves on the outside looking in. If one of our children is deceased and we have surviving children who wish to celebrate and honor us, we may feel torn in two. If our only child has gone before us, the “missing” is excruciatingly painful. No matter the circumstances, such a day will open Pandora’s Box of memories or the lack thereof. It is almost a no-win day.

The Sunday before Mother’s Day has been set aside by many as Bereaved Mother’s Day. I am personally somewhat split in two over such a day. On the negative side, it feels as if some simply want to “get it over with” and then move on to the “real” Mother’s Day. On the positive side, I appreciate such a day specifically set aside to honor the bereaved mom
because it acknowledges that she is still a mom.

Whatever one chooses to do on either day should be left up to the mom. It’s her day. If she desires to simply get away, please help her do so. If she desires to spend the day at the cemetery, please don’t tell her she “should” do this or that. If she simply wants to spend the day in bed under the covers, please don’t try and “fix” her. If she wants to partake in any celebrations, please rally around her and understand there may be moments in which the tears flow uncontrollably and/if she chooses to withdraw.

Please support and kindly extend love and tenderness to all moms, whether their child remains here on earth or not. Bottom line is that none of us would exist without having had a mom.

International Bereaved Mother’s Day 2018 is observed on Sunday, May 6, 2018.

Author’s note: I am the author of this piece and using it without my written permission is against copyright law. Registration# TX 8-383-134

Jude’s book, “Gifts from the Ashes,” is available at Direct TextbookFollow this journey on Jude’s website.

Getty image by yipengge

Originally published: May 10, 2018
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