childhoodabusesurvivor

Just when I think I’m surfacing from my past trauma, it pulls me under again. I haven’t shared much here these past several weeks because I’ve been struggling. For those of you who don’t know, I was sexually abused from age 6 to 16. Therapy has been a lifesaver. A few weeks ago, two of my sisters revealed that the man who was having an affair with my mother, the same man who was abusing me, was actually my father. My therapist has been very supportive, even seeing me more frequently. I guess I’m still in shock. So many secrets. My three closest cousins aren’t even my real cousins. I’m afraid to tell them. Will they still love me? I thought I was Scottish and I’m not. So many thoughts I can’t run from. Shame tries to creep in. My God says He is a father to the fatherless. I pray this is Truth.
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

This isn’t always easy for me to do, but I’m getting better at it. What does kindness to yourself look like?
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

I have battled shame most of my life. Through therapy, I’ve realized the shame wasn’t even mine to carry. Misplaced shame tricked me into thinking the abuse was my fault, that I somehow caused it or that I could have stopped it. Shame is very difficult to treat. The brain has to be retrained to dispel those lies we tell ourselves. If we say those lies long enough, they become our truth. This past week, shame has found its way into my mind again. The negative thoughts are strong. I pray it passes soon.
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

I bought myself new windchimes. They have sea turtles on them and make a mellow sound. The past 6 days have been a struggle. I’m trying to keep moving forward in my healing. It’s not always easy. I sit on the deck under the fan and watch the birds on the feeders. Simple pleasures.
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

Growing up, I always saw myself as weak because I didn’t fight back. I let the abuse happen for over 10 years. I cried and stayed silent. Then I married and someone else was in control of me. I’ve been in therapy for 7 years now. One of the many things I’ve learned is that I was strong during all of the abuse. I endured. Did what I had to to survive. I don’t believe the opposite of strength is weakness. I was weak because I was smaller, younger. I think the opposite of strength is giving up. And I won’t do that. At least not today. Another thing I’ve learned is that I deserve to be treated with respect. To be loved. To shine. So do you.
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

I just finished this one. I’ll frame it in a gray metal frame when it dries. It’s darker than my usual ones I do. Life has thrown me a curve lately. God bless!🫶🏻
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

This diamond art turned out nicely, I think. I love the purple shades. 💜
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

For me, doing diamond art is both a focus and a distraction. I love the focus on creating something beautiful. The distraction calms my OCD/C-PTSD thoughts. What’s your go to? Cooking, writing, drawing, painting, photography? Endless possibilities.
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

I can’t advocate enough for trauma therapy. It honestly saved my life. No matter what age you are, no matter how awful your trauma was, no matter your story, there IS help. I see a therapist who specializes in PTSD & the trauma that goes along with it. Is it easy? Is it fun? Is it quick? No. But is it worth it? YES! YOU are worth it. You can’t afford not to. 🫶🏻
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

Does it ever bother you when someone says that you can ‘choose to be happy’? I decided those people don’t suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, chronic pain, or any of the other myriad of mental or physical health issues many of us here do. I did this diamond art to remind me that some days I can choose. Today is a good day. I am so thankful.
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor