When Chronic Illness Leaves You Stuck at Home Without a Job or Degree
Though I tried with all my strength over and over again, I was not able to graduate college due to my chronic illness. I sit at home (living with my mother) and fill my days with useless hobbies, nonsense. I want to do more, I know I can do more if I was given the chance. I do not have the strength to work a normal job, I know this. I have tried to look into and apply for “work from home” jobs, but most of these require a college degree, or years of experience I do not have.
Due to my chronic illness, I feel trapped living a useless life – trapped inside these same walls I have lived in all my life. What makes me really upset is I know I have talents and abilities these positions are looking for, what I lack is that stupid piece of paper and the years of experience. How am I supposed to get experience if I need experience to gain experience? It is a ridiculous cycle. I would even love to go back to school online, but alas, that requires money, for which I need a job, which defeats the entire purpose.
I have a strong work ethic, I am willing to do whatever I physically am able to do, but I sit here and feel like that doesn’t matter. I will never be able to crawl my way out of where I am. I feel stuck in a deep ditch without a ladder to climb. This is one of the toughest issues I face due to my chronic illness. I am stuck watching everyone else move on with their lives while I remain forever stagnant.
I know I have talents and abilities that are going to waste. I am just living my life, killing time until I die. That is what it truly feels like. I won’t give up, I will still search for something I can do that doesn’t require that stupid college degree that was just a bit out of reach. Until then, I am stuck filling my depressing days with the purposeless hobbies that don’t contribute a bit to anything greater. I do not even know if my chronic illness would allow me to work any type of job as it certainly didn’t allow me to finish college, but I wish every single day that I would be given a chance.
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Thinkstock photo via sergio_kumer.
Heather Danielle Ashley is a poet and the author of “The Bright Side of Dark: Collected Poems.” She has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Chiari malformation, POTS, and mast cell activation disorder. She taps into her pain, using it in her writing with the hopes that through her poetry she can raise awareness about what it is really like living with a chronic illness. You can follow her on Instagram @morethanmyillness and check out her chronic illness blog http://heatherdashley.wixsite.com/thethingwithfeathers.
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