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Dear Future Husband, From Your Chronically Ill Wife

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Dear Future Husband,

You’re probably comfortably settled in your bed right now, on your back with your hands tucked up behind your head. And you’re probably staring at the ceiling, contemplating work, school and other various complications of life. You may or may not be asleep, but either way you’re probably thinking or dreaming about your future. And while your thoughts are dancing through your mind, at this very moment, I’m thinking about you.

I’m fantasizing the first time we meet, our first date, our first kiss and every memory we’ll make thereafter. I’m questioning if I’ll ever find you or if you’re simply a distant dream. I’m lying in my cozy bed, wrapped in my comforting blankets, clutching a pillow close to me, wondering if you’re thinking of me too.

But future husband, wherever you are, and whoever you are, if you’re thinking of me, I bet you’ve never considered marrying a “sick girl.” You’ll never consider it until you meet me. And when you meet me, I hope you’ll be able to look beyond the disease and see the person who is so much more than the illness her body houses. Just know, chronic illness or not, I intend on being the best wife you could ever ask for, and I truly hope your intentions toward me are the same.

You should know it won’t always be easy. I suppose an undertaking as celestial as marriage is never easy, but I truly believe marriage is what you make of it, and what you put into it is what you’ll get out. I’ll put my whole heart and soul into our marriage. And through it all, I believe God will guide us. But before we dive into matrimony, there are things you’ll need to know. Marriage with a sick person is no easy task, but I promise I’ll make it worth your while, and I promise through it all, I’ll always love you.

Here are the things I want you to know:

1. You will not simply be my husband. You will be my husband, my help-meet, my caretaker, my best friend and the love of my life. The love I have for you will be eternal, whether I’m sick or not.

2. There will be days that I’m so sick, I can hardly get out of bed. On those days, I need your love and compassion. Please don’t abandon me when I need you the most.

3. There will be days I will need help doing simple tasks simply because my body aches with too much pain to accomplish things by myself. I’ll need help washing my hair, getting out of bed and walking. I’ll need your help. And as you help me, you will learn a lot. You’ll learn a lot about yourself, a lot about me, a lot about service and a lot about love. You will help me, and I will help you. That’s how I intend for our marriage to work. We will always help each other, no matter how large the task may seem.

4. There will be days when I’m in so much pain, I’ll scream in agony. Those screams will haunt you. Those screams are something you will never un-hear, but they will strengthen you.

5. There will be days you want to give up and the discouragement will be overwhelming. Never give up. I need your strength. I will be strong for you. I will always keep fighting for you. Please do the same for me.

6. There will be days when you feel like God has forgotten us. I promise you, He has not. I believe He is always there, even if we can’t feel it at the moment. Overwhelming peace and joy will enter into our lives even through our darkest times.

7. Always pray. Pray personally, and pray with me. Pray for me, and I will pray for you. When you no longer have the strength to stand, kneel and pray. When you feel incredibly blessed, kneel and pray. When you don’t know what to think or feel, kneel and pray.  Never stop praying, whether things are hard or not.

8. Never lose faith. There will be days when I need your faith, and days where you need mine. We’ll rely on each other. Suffering is never easy, but if we keep our faith, we can overcome anything and life will always have its joy and beauty.

I love you, my sweet future husband, wherever you are. One day your path will cross with mine, and our beautiful love story will begin. I can’t wait for that day. Prepare yourself. You might be surprised to find I’m your future wife, but I’ll always be the best I can be for you. Stay true to who you are, and always have righteous desires, and our paths will cross very soon. I will always strive to be the best friend, wife and mother I can be, even if I’m sick. I believe God has greater plans for me than this illness. I believe He has greater plans for us. Together we can get through anything.

Your Loving Future Wife​

The Mighty is asking the following: What do you want your past, current or future partner to know about being with someone with your disability, disease or mental illness? If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

Originally published: May 12, 2016
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