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If You Have a Chronic Illness, You Still Deserve to Be Loved

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I have multiple chronic illnesses. I have epilepsy, nutcracker syndrome, anxiety, pelvic floor dysfunction, and undiagnosed chronic pain. I currently am in a wonderful, healthy almost three year long relationship with an amazing guy. I love him and he loves me. We support each other fully and he helps me through the hard days of dealing with my chronic conditions.

Before I met him I was diagnosed only with epilepsy and was unable to drive because of it. Since then I’ve tacked on a few more diagnoses and he’s stood by me through it all. He’s my rock.

Reading other people’s blogs and talking to other people who have chronic illnesses. I’ve gathered that many people feel they shouldn’t, or don’t deserve to be in a relationship, because they don’t want it affecting their significant other. It’s crap, in my opinion. We deserve to be happy and deserve to have people who love us in our lives.

Hell. We deserve it more, I think, because of our struggles.

In past relationship and dating experiences I’ve come across people who were “OK” with my epilepsy until they actually witnessed a seizure. Then they bolted. It scared them. Frankly, I understood. Witnessing a seizure for the first time is a frightening experience, hell every time it happens it’s frightening. However, it’s more frightening for the people who actually have to endure the seizure.

I realized those people weren’t worth my time and quickly got over it. Sure, it upset me at first. Who wouldn’t be upset? But, why bother with someone who doesn’t want to be there for you in sickness and in health? Who only want the good?

I once dated someone for a brief time who I had a seizure in front of, who, when I recovered,  instead of comforting me and asking if I was OK, decided to break things off. He mentioned that if, in the future, he had kids and I had a seizure in front of the kids, it would scare them. I’ll never forget that comment. Other than being a nurse, there’s only one thing else I feel I was meant to do in this world and that’s be a mother. I know my health issues make it a complicated thing, but I plan on teaching my kid on what to do if something arises. I plan on practicing safety first and always putting my child first. That comment will always sting, but looking back, I still know I’m better off.

If you’re single and have a chronic illness you may come across people like this, but don’t let it deter you from finding someone. Let it be a guideline and a reminder of the kind of people you don’t want in your life.

Also, be upfront from the get-go about what’s going on in your life. Sure, some people will run right away, but the ones that stay are the ones who have potential. The ones who are willing to see you for more than your health issues.

Like I mentioned above, I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years now. Sometimes I feel guilty that I’m not the most upbeat girlfriend all the time because I’m in pain or dealing with this and that, but he understands and I try my best. And on the days I am feeling good, we have fun and laugh. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without a good support system like him.

Don’t think just because you have a chronic illness that you can’t date someone or find love. You can. Just be upfront about what’s going on in your life, and don’t get hung up on the losers who decide to bolt…They aren’t worth it. Trust me.

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Thinkstock Image By: Grandfailure

Originally published: April 11, 2017
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