To My Children on Mother's Day, From Your Mother With Chronic Illness

I will always treasure every moment
I spent with you dear child
you are my baby and will always be
through many moonlight miles

I hope your days are always filled
with more happiness than you can accrue
and when I am no longer here
the moonbeams will send my love to you

Dear children,

While you were in my belly, I thought a lot about being a perfect mother. I dreamed of you under a starry sky and a bright, full moon. I felt like I had been waiting my whole life for you, and I wanted to make sure you were happy. I pictured being Martha Stewart in the kitchen, having a house worthy of Better Homes & Garden Magazine, and endless days of laughter, fireflies and fun.

When you arrived, I knew the true meaning of love, and I wanted to fulfill these goals more than anything.

What I didn’t know then was that I would not accomplish many of these objectives due to chronic illness, Lyme disease and anxiety. These dreams slowly drifted away as the pain increased, my brain got more foggy, and my strength diminished.

Though I knew that there was no such thing as a perfect mother, I wanted to be as close to perfection as possible. I set the bar high, and I could never come close to that goal.

You are my little moonbeams, and I prayed to the moon for your forgiveness.

I read you books when I could, played games when I could, and took you to the park when I was able. I walked many moonlight miles with you; I would walk anywhere with you. I cooked you nice meals and baked awesome allergy-friendly treats as often as possible. I watched the sprinkles fall from your fingers, just like I watched the rapid passage of time.

I thought that despite my health issues, life sure is sweet.

I would destroy the bar I set, and set a new one. This one would focus more on love than longevity, and more on feelings than frequency.

I would learn to enjoy whatever time we had together, and make memories that would last us a lifetime.

I knew that no matter what, I had already accomplished my greatest goal, bringing two incredible children into the world.

You are incredible.

Never forget that.

You show compassion when others are in pain, and you hold your little umbrellas up to me to shelter me from the rain. You sit at the buddy bench with those who need a friend; you live your lives with joy and kindness that certainly does transcend. You help plant our garden with seeds of hope; you help me get by, you help me cope. You are as peaceful as little doves, have taught me the meaning of unconditional love. You are more special to me than words can say, and I will love you ’til my dying day.

I am so blessed to have you in my life.

I am sorry for my shortcomings, or for anything you have missed due to my illnesses and anxiety.

But I am not sorry that you failed to miss what the meaning of life is.

Being kind and true to yourself. Being able to put others in need before yourself from time to time. Spending as much time as possible with those you love. Never taking them for granted, never forgetting to tell them how much you care. Loving yourself, others and the environment. Never stop growing your mind, your heart, your soul.

I am so proud of you.

I am so happy I get to spend Mother’s Day with you.

There is no one else I’d rather be with. There is no one else like you.

Thank you for all of the joy you have given me and continue to bring to my life. I hope all of that joy comes back to you twofold.

I hope you will always remember what I have taught you.

Always live your life to the fullest.

Always remember how much I love you.

Always remember the light that shines within you is greater than the light of any moon.

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