Pushing Myself on 'Good' Weeks With My Chronic Illness

When having a chronic illness you have good weeks and bad. Pain-free days and unbearable pain days. Happy moments and sad.

Right now I have been having one of those good weeks. It’s like a unicorn with a rainbow mane. Magical and rare. A whole week! An uninterrupted seven days of feeling great!

When I have those great weeks I start pushing myself. I want to experience as much as I can before the bad days start setting in again. I want to accomplish so many goals.

This weekend alone I took on chaperoning an all-nighter for our church youth group and turned around to help with an all-day simulcast for women that our church sponsored. An extremely long and tiring 48 hours. I am doing it because this has been a good week. I want to take advantage of the pain-free days.

There are so many amazing things I want to do, but I know my disorder holds me back. I know there are goals I will never be able to accomplish because there is too much risk to my health. So when an opportunity comes up, and that opportunity may seem more of a hassle than it’s worth, I will jump at it. If I can physically and safely accomplish this task that may seem minuscule to others, I am going to do it.

Last night I stayed up till 2 a.m. with a bunch of teenagers and some other adults. We laughed, we talked, we played. It was so nice to be a part of even the smallest moments and not worry about my chronic illness. I was able to be free of it for a few hours. I was able to enjoy life.

I know my own limitations and boundaries. But I will push myself. One day it might be as simple as pushing myself to put the mountain of laundry away and the next it may be playing a game of  capture the flag guarded by 14-year-olds in the middle of the night under a moon lit sky.

I want to get as much as I can out of my life. I have been limited to what activities my body is able to do, but I will push until I can’t anymore.

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