Why These 'Things to Never Say to Someone Who's Sick' Don't Annoy Me Anymore
I’ve read a lot of blog articles about what not to say to someone with a chronic illness. Almost every one of them contains:
“You don’t look sick.”
“At least it’s not cancer.”
“Get well soon.”
In these articles, the writer will state why they don’t like these comments.
“You don’t look sick” bothers many of these bloggers because they feel the comment hits on their insecurities. Many chronic health conditions are invisible, and most people can’t see them. Therefore, the sick person feels they aren’t being believed.
“At least it’s not cancer” bothers many bloggers because they feel it compares their illness to cancer. Comparisons aren’t cool. And of course, no one wants cancer, or any other illness.
“Get well soon” is bothersome because it implies that the person saying it thinks all it takes to get better is a period of rest, like with a cold. It implies that the person saying it doesn’t know what the word chronic means.
But here’s the thing: I’ve written articles about what to not say to a spoonie. They’ve annoyed me, too. Time changes things. I’m not so easily annoyed by these kind of statements now. Here’s why.
If you tell me that I don’t look sick these days, I’m going to be thankful. It’s always nice to hear that you look good. When you see me out and about, I’m trying hard to not look sick.
I’m OK with the “at least it’s not cancer” comment because I’ve had cancer scares, and I too am glad it’s not cancer.
The “get well soon” statements aren’t bothersome any longer because it’s unlikely anyone saying it would mean any harm. People can only understand from their own viewpoint, and someone who doesn’t have a chronic illness is rarely going to understand how constant a chronic illness is.
It’s possible that someone can say these things or other nasty comments with malicious intent. I have co-workers and a few family members that do almost daily. It bugs me still sometimes, but since I’m no longer new to any of my illnesses, I’ve had more time to adjust and can brush off the hurt and move along more easily than in the past.
If someone is saying something intentionally mean, they are hurting inside, and I understand pain on so many levels. I will not judge them.
Usually, a person making a comment about my health doesn’t mean any harm. If they do mean harm, it’s not really my problem. I’m only in charge of myself.
When someone shows me love and support, I’m going to accept it, no matter what. We can’t ever have too much love!