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How I Plan to Never Lose Another Day to My Illness Again

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Yesterday, I lost the entire day to my illness. It’s a day I can never get back.

I woke up at 8 a.m. and spent the entire day sleeping, laying in bed, crying, and watching Netflix. My crowning achievement for the day was getting out of bed to pay the pizza delivery guy.

But it’s more than just that. I lost the day to my illness because I punished myself for it.

I berated and belittled myself for being in pain. I told myself I was less than because I’m not able to keep up with my extremely busy and active roommate. I insulted myself because I’m not like everyone else. I felt depression, negative thoughts about myself, and the symptoms of my illness.

But I will never lose another day to my illness ever again.

When I spend an entire day in bed, it’ll be because I’m good enough to give my body the rest it needs. And because I’m fortunate enough to have a warm, comfortable bed to do so in.

When I eat pizza alone in my room, it’ll be because I’m worthy of being fed, even when I’m not able to cook for myself.

When I cry out of sadness, loneliness, and frustration, I’ll never again feel bad about it because everything I’m feeling is valid and understandable.

And when I tell myself I’m not like everyone else, it’ll be true, because I believe God gave me the ability to write, and the courage to share my story and my life. I have compassion and love and understanding and the desire to help others through my struggling.

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Originally published: October 13, 2016
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