complainers

I recently started journaling.. I have a couple actually. A bullet journal and then another journal that I basically use to right all my complaints and negative thoughts in. I have a habit of complaining about a lot and I know it’s pushed people away from me. No one wants to be around someone who is always negative. My boyfriend is going thru some personal battles of his own and he said that he loves me but everyday I complain about multiple things . And he’s right I do. Not just simple stuff but like I will type out novels in a text message ranting, I do this literally multiple times a day. He told him that it’s really draining and he can’t constantly be the only positive thing in my life and that I need to find and focus on more positive things, mostly because he can’t be there for me all the time. Which kind of hurt .... the one person I tell everything to says he can’t be that person everyday .... so I feel lost. I can’t turn to my family, and I don’t want to push away my friends, and now my boyfriend. I know I need to seek help from a professional but I’m just not ready honestly. So I’m journalling . I’m not ready to confess all my inner demons to a stranger . I used to go to a therapist but she kept getting me confused with other clients and only wanted to discuss superficial things and never wanted to explore the root of my issues so I stopped seeing her .