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    I’m Silent

    It doesn’t matter if you #complain because no one likes #complainers and they don’t #believeme anyway, so here I sit quietly in #ChronicPain ...


    Defeated and alone... Even with a strong support system.

    I just turned 30... Followed by a bone density test... I have #Osteoporosis of the spinal column... Along with my #AnkylosingSpondylitis my pain specialist said I should consider applying for #Disability since it'll take a minute you get on but also because he thinks at the rate I'm going a wheelchair will be in my future sooner than later...
    At this point in life I've been #battling #multiple #ChronicIllnesses going on 20 years. I can handle that... But being told I should consider disability at 30 and not having anyone to talk notes with makes me feel #alone #Defeated and #lost
    My mom and dad are such a great support and my boyfriend is a God send... Who really stood up as a man and learned about my illnesses to better care for me... But feeling your body slowly being destroyed knowing there's not much they can do for the damage that's already been done only give me a medication that could potentially hemp slow it down... Being in high pain or #high out of my mind 24/7 lack of sleep because of the pain... Mourning the death of the woman I once was... And being told that you aren't the same happy and care free person you once were... And the worst thing of it all... Knowing that it'll continue to get worse and more #painful and more #exhausting ... And theres no guaranteed end date. But you must remain greatful for existing because you're selfish For wishing the pain to go away the only way it will... By death.
    I'm sorry for ranting... Im actually dealing with a lot of #anger right now. My boss has been very verbally abusive and I'm fearful and anxious and he's making me feel worse... But i can't quit because I need insurance... But im trying to find a better job by interviewing on my lunch break. But i also have to try to make myself look amazing so I can try to negotiate #Insurance right away since I'm on a few narcotics that I can't get a 90 day supply for and of course my boyfriend of 5 years is dragging ass on proposing though it's in talks...

    Anyways... Yes I'm just bitter and sad... One day soon I'll get up and put my mask on and smile... But until that day I want to be a little selfish, bitchy, and reaching out to fellow #Spoonies who want to just #complain and bitch on this post with me without judgement and promise i won't give you sugar coated #encouragement unless requested.