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What It’s Like to Be in Love When You Have Depression

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“Love, according to every book, every song and just about every person I have ever met, is the most powerful force in the world, capable of overcoming anything. Anything, that is, except maybe depression.” — Sadie Trombetta

It was not until the summer of 2017 that I saw my depression slowly take over my body. The summer before, I had just gotten out of a three-year relationship. So, the summer of 2017, I focused on myself. I spent my free time at the yoga studio, connecting my mind and body. I ate healthy, and felt my best self while believing heavily in the quote: “No one will love you until you love yourself.”

A few months later, I met my current boyfriend. The beginning of our relationship was nothing but rocky patches. You see, he lives two hours away from me (sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the ones you love). We have been together for almost a year now, and we have helped each other grow in many ways. His family is nothing but loving, and will take you under their wing whenever things get tough.

But then my world seemed to come crashing down. I had failed my second semester of nursing by .02 percent and would have to decide to retake the whole thing over, or move on and choose a different career. I believe this was the biggest trigger to my depressive episodes. There were many more triggers, but nothing compared to that. I slowly began to see myself deteriorate. A day slowly became weeks, weeks where I would lay in my bed and stare blankly at my white walls. I shut everyone out of my life, even my caring and loving boyfriend.

Of course it doesn’t help that he lives two hours away. So on the days where I was stuck in bed, not wanting to talk to anyone, I wished for him to be lying beside me. It was hard for the both of us to realize we couldn’t be together at a snap of a finger. He would often have my best friend check up on me, and have her play his role while he was away. We began to fight more often, and become frustrated with each other on the daily (mostly because of my low tolerance). Again, I was reminded of the phrase, “No one will love you until you love yourself.” I learned quickly that it’s hard to give someone 100 percent when you can’t even give 30 percent for yourself. I let our relationship fall to a point of which I thought was no return.

Being in love with someone, while being depressed is both a blessing and a curse. I am beyond blessed to have someone that understands my illness and will go beyond measures to make sure I’m OK.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Photo via contributor.

Originally published: August 22, 2017
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