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When Depression Is Like a Bubble You Can't Escape

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Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

For me, depression is just like a bubble I feel around myself all the time — a bubble of darkness and sadness, that only reflects the feeling of “being never good enough.”

It is a bubble that sucked out all hope until the last flickering flame went out. It doesn’t let the light of positivity shine in and there is nothing but loneliness. It made me forget to live and left me with a struggle of survival.

What people around me don’t seem to understand is that I don’t choose the bubble willingly, nor I am residing in it of my own will. My friends may think I am rude by not talking to them. My family may think I prefer my room over them. I don’t know how to explain this to them. They might not understand because for them I am 20 years old with nothing to be worried about. Maybe they are right, but all I know right now is that with each passing day this bubble around me is shrinking, with less space left to breathe in.

Every day is a fight not to end my life by suicide. While friends are planning their lives, I am trying my best to live another day. It’s a war with my own mind, numbing the voices in my head that tells me every second it doesn’t isn’t it, and I should give up already.

I don’t know if I will make it out of this bubble or if I will die in it. Right now, I am not even worried about this. All I am concerned with, for this moment, is to make it out alive.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Unsplash photo via Milada Vigerova

Originally published: April 20, 2017
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