When Depression Recovery Makes You Question if You Are Surviving or Thriving

Dear depression,

You have been part of my life for longer than I care to acknowledge. You are my worst enemy, pretending to be my best friend. I feel like things are not true especially with the people I love.

You tell me I am not good enough, I am not lovable, I will never be good enough. I have tried ways to make sure you are not there, that you are no longer part of my life, but you always succeed. As a result, You make me feel like a burden. You make me feel misunderstood. Sometimes you make me think people talk about me behind my back, laughing at me, judging me. You tell me nobody in my life cares and everybody would be better off without me here. You scare me.

I am so over you!

I know I am loved, I know I am wanted. I am sick of depression clouding my judgment, clouding my thoughts. It’s hard to push the positive feelings forward to the front of my brain and acknowledge you have the strength to sometimes keep them back, terrifies me.

Words mean nothing when depression overtakes me, actions are all that matter. Today I will stop fighting with you! I have learned some valuable lessons, but now it’s time to leave. In a way, you won the battle, but I have won the war. I will continue to speak about depression. I will overcome the obstacles you throw at me.

I miss my old life, the old me. The happy me, bright and smiley me. This is my life, not yours! I am ready to take back the reins.

Sincerely,

Nicole

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Thinkstock photo via serkan6.