3 Types of Silence Depression Can Bring
Depression brings with it so much silence, and it drowns out everything else.
First, there is the silence around me as I seclude myself. My depression takes my energy to get up. It tells me no one wants me around, so there I sit, alone, in silence while my mind is screaming at me. Every insult I can think about myself being hurled at me as fast as I can think of them. Everything I have ever done wrong flashing in my mind, so fresh, just like it happened yesterday. That silence is slowly driving me further into the abyss that is depression.
Second, there is the silence of the world around me as it continues to go on like nothing is happening. The world around me is falling into a million pieces and yet it goes on like normal for everyone else. I don’t expect the world to stop for me, but it becomes unbearable watching everyone move on with their lives as I sit there stuck in this depression. The silence grows louder. My mind becomes even more active with self-loathing.
Last, there is the silence of those closest to me. The ones I love and care about. That silence is the loudest. Even before my mental illness is known to others, when they start to drift away, it’s the depression that takes control of giving me a reason for them to do that. It’s the anxiety that builds inside of me that tells me I wasn’t good enough. Even after my illness and suffering is known, a lot of people don’t know how to respond. They don’t know what to say or are afraid of saying the wrong thing. That silence is the worst. At this point, it feels like the silence has consumed me. Everything I was is gone and the silence is the only thing that remains. It’s a horrible sound and an even worse feeling. I just want someone to reach out. I want someone to try to understand me, and it feels like the longer I go without that, the harder it is to fight the silence.
My challenge to you today is to finally break that silence. Scream if you have to! Get it out! Tell someone, I don’t care if it’s a friend, family member or a therapist. Just make a step to end the silence for good.
This story originally appeared on OurMentalIllness.org.
Photo by Ricardo Mancía on Unsplash