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To My Best Friend Struggling With Depression

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I’m sorry I can’t be there with you. I’m sorry I can’t drive to pick you up and get coffee. I’m sorry I can’t sit on the couch with you and watch mindless shows on Bravo together and drown out the voice in your head.

I don’t know all the pain you have endured already, but I know it has to be insurmountable to have brought you to this point. I just want to scream at your negative thoughts and tell them they are wrong. Present them with a PowerPoint with all the reasons why your life matters. I know you know the truth deep down inside, but I know all of the pain has clouded those reasons. I know the pain is so heavy on your heart. I am all the way across the country and I can feel it. It’s so unfair. It’s so unfair to know nothing but pain. It’s so unfair watching while you are struggling. I know all these feelings so well and you are not alone. I am in this state with you. I know the nights are endless. I know the face you show the world is a mask.

I wish I could promise you the pain will go away, I know you just want to make it go away. But I can’t promise this. Even if the physical pain disappears, the mental scars may remain. I was close to where you are now and I was terrified. I just spent nights crying myself to sleep and waking up crushed by how much life I still had to live out.

I finally found the light when I gave up on this world in favor of another. I’m referring to the quote “change your thinking, change your world.” I was so damn miserable and so tired of feeling so miserable I literally forced myself to think the opposite of what was making me so miserable. Every insult hurled into the mirror ricocheted a compliment back in my direction. The forced niceties eventually became habit. That’s not to say I’m cured from my depression. Truth be told, I don’t think I will ever be free from the grips of depression. But I found meaning in the pain.

Your life has meaning and you will find it. Your life may not be what you expected, but does not make you a waste or a failure. You inspire everyone you meet and your fight will have people holding on in theirs. I believe in my heart and soul we can be a beacon of hope for others. I believe you were meant to be a light this world needs.

Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can. I hope we reach the day when you look into the mirror and see yourself as the warrior you are.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Image via Thinkstock

Originally published: February 10, 2017
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