A Letter to My Best Friend With Depression

Dearest Leah,

It has been tough. Your life has been full of struggle and sorrow and pain I might not ever understand. I will never fully understand why you hurt yourself, why you wanted to kill yourself, why you struggle so much inside your head. You have gone through situations no one should ever have to go through. You have dealt with issues a lot of people will never understand. You have scars — emotional and physical — that may never go away. You live in a world where sometimes you feel alone, forgotten and unimportant. You have spent more nights than you can count crying, hurting, bleeding, fighting, struggling, seeking, striving and almost dying for love.

It has also been beautiful, despite your struggles. Your life has been full of smiles and laughter and joy I cannot understand. I cannot understand why you keep going, why you keep striving for life, why you keep fighting the desire in your head to end it all. You have gone through situations no one should ever have to go through and yet you are still here. You have dealt with issues a lot of people will never understand, yet you forgive their misunderstanding and seek to help them understand. You have scars — emotional and physical — that may never go away, but they will always remind you how much you have been through and how strong you are to have made it through. You live in a world where sometimes you feel alone, forgotten and unimportant, but each day you strive to show yourself you are not alone, that we remember you, and that you are so very important to so many people. You have spent more nights than you can count crying, hurting, bleeding, fighting, struggling, seeking, striving and almost dying for love. But you can still smile, laugh, heal, fight, struggle, seek, strive and live for love.

Our friendship has been a roller coaster. We became instant best friends and we did almost everything together. You have seen parts of my heart I have not shown many other people. We have seen each other laugh; we have seen each other cry. We spent Father’s Day together because both of us know the pain that day brings for us individually. We have held each other during panic attacks. We have comforted each other in some of the darkest times. We have drifted close and drifted apart, but no matter what the circumstances are, I have loved you and wanted nothing but the best for you.

It may not always seem like it, but I believe God loves you. Believe me, I get it. Your life has been so hard. It probably doesn’t seem like God is there for you or that he cares whether or not you live. It might seem like he has left you in the dust to deal with all this hurt by yourself. I have been there. I have questioned whether or not God exists. I have asked myself so many times, If God really loves me, why would he let me hurt like this? The answer might be difficult to swallow. I believe he uses hard times in our lives to show us just how much we really need him. I believe God still has a plan for you. He is not finished with you yet. How do I know? Because you are still here. You inspire people, Leah. You have shown people no matter what life throws in your face, you can get through. You are so beyond strong, baby girl.

If you ever feel unappreciated or unimportant, remember this. I asked people who know you: “what word comes to mind first when you think of Leah?” These are the responses:

Strong. Loving. Lovely. Beautiful. Bubbly. Inspiring. Gorgeous. Uplifting. Powerful. Hope. Love. Caring. Bold. Outgoing. Dedicated. Strong.

You are loved. You are missed. You are important.

Love Always,

Taylor

(If you wish to support Leah and her family emotionally or financially as they struggle to cover the cost of her healthcare after the insurance company dropped her, feel free to comment below or look up the hashtag on Facebook: #imperfectlyperfect)

A version of this piece originally appeared on Odyssey. 

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

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