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What I Want My Mom to Know About My Mental Illness

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Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

Let me start this off by saying thank you.

Thank you for being there for me, even when it is hard. And it is hard a lot, I know.

Mom, this is not your fault. I don’t have a mental illness because you didn’t love me enough or you weren’t a good mom. 

You gave me everything.

You supported me and loved me through all the good and the bad.

I know you feel guilty sometimes, because you have said it to me. I know you think this is because of something you have done. 

Let me be clear — it’s not.

My mental illness stems from a lot of things and yes, there are some things you tie into, but this is not your fault.

And yes, I know you are mad that I don’t talk to you about it. But it is because I don’t know how.

I don’t know how to tell the one person who has loved me unconditionally that I would rather be dead. I don’t not tell you because I don’t love you or don’t trust you.

I simply can’t.

I can’t disappoint and let you down again. Because all you do is believe in me so I can’t share that I don’t even believe in myself. 

Please understand I love you more than life and I am trying. I am doing the things to get better because I want to be a person you can be proud of.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Photo via contributor.

Originally published: September 18, 2017
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