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What Keeps Me Fighting Through My Struggle With Depression

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Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

You know, if I thought about it honestly, I fight for the future.

Today, it seems not many people understand mental illness or even care to understand it. It is so easy to dismiss this illness as a lack of willpower, or a lack of courage. It is not possible for me to put into words how anguishing this disorder really is. I try to with my articles, because I know how very real and terrifying ti can be. I know the emotional and physical toll this can have on a person in just an hour, let alone an entire day of major depression and anxiety.

I fight for the one who can not speak up about depression. I mean this in the sense of the person who just cannot bring up their illness because of the negative gut-wrenching emotions that can appear when talking about what they go through. Also, I would like to add that pushing your emotions down is a terrible idea, as that is how I almost attempted suicide about half a year ago. It is OK to not be strong. It is OK to be “broken.” It is when we are broken that we find out who we really are. It is through the hardships and the lowest of lows that we discover our strength.

Although we struggle with a lifelong illness, we still try to go on. Why?

I do not know the answer because not everyone wins their battle with major depression. Not all of us can win our daily struggle with this demon. The minute to minute battle with this dark monstrosity of a beast that is constantly whispering in our ear sometimes becomes too much.

There are those of us however who persevere through the isolation and complete loneliness of being on this island. Hang on, though; I am not alone. I have you! Yes, all of the thousands of you that can relate to me. That is one thing that keeps me going among the other reasons I have found. I almost attempted suicide because I felt completely “insane” and alone. I felt like something was wrong with my brain and that I was slowly dying and losing my identity. I wanted to end my pain and quit this fight because what was the point was in fighting if you have to fight alone?

I found my purpose — you. Paying attention to this illness is crucial for the advancement of our species. This illness is not going anywhere. It is here to stay. I have come to learn it is not a weakness, it is an illness. It is like my psychiatrist told me, “You have to monitor it, take care of it and treat it with respect.”

I fight for you. I do not know what you fight for, but please do not give up. I am calling on you, yes you, to fight for the future as well. We need to fight for anyone and everyone who struggles or who will ever struggle with this mental illness. Do not keep silent about this issue. Talk about it; that is how change occurs. When you talk about an issue and you get your opinion out there, and you try and work with the community surrounding your problem, you can begin to make progress.

This is a topic for another article. I just want you guys to know with everything I am, no matter how down and out I get, I am fighting for you — for our future. I love you guys and have the utmost respect for you. No matter how low I have gotten recently, I still fight. I just can’t give up. Not on you.

Keep fighting, Mighty Warriors. Keep going. Life is the most precious gift of all. I will not give up on you if you do not give up on me.

I fight for you.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Thinkstock photo via Chalabala

Originally published: March 29, 2017
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