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12 'Sexy' Things to Say to Your Partner With Depression

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When your partner is struggling with depression, you might find yourself mentally asking, “How do I make my partner feel loved when they are struggling with loving themselves?”

The answer to this question is different for every relationship, but there are things partners can say to make their significant other feel loved — and perhaps even “sexy!”

Maybe depression makes your partner tired all the time, so “sexy time” might mean asking to take a nap together. Maybe depression affects your partner’s ability to get things done, so what’s “sexy” to them is an offer of helping out with chores around the house. Maybe depression lowers your partner’s sex drive, so “let’s cuddle” is the sexiest thing you could say.

We turned to members of our Mighty community who live with depression to help us get creative. Below you can read things partners can say that they themselves find “sexy.” It’s amazing what a simple, “Let’s cuddle” or “Can I help you with your laundry?” can do.

If you can relate, you’re not alone. We want to know what you find “sexy” when you’re feeling depressed, so click the image below to share your answer and join the conversation.

If you live with depression, what's a "sexy" thing your partner can say to you on Valentine's Day? (This can include things like, "Can I help you with your laundry?" or "I made dinner for you.") Your answer might be used in a post for The Mighty.

Here’s what our community had to say:

1. “I did your laundry.”

“I already washed, dried and put away the laundry. And I’m making us dinner. Don’t get up.” — Elizabeth R.

2. “Let’s snuggle.”

“Let’s snuggle on the couch, I’ll play with your hair/tickle your back and rub your feet. Sometimes it’s nice to just have that bit of chill time to ‘try’ relax and let my head be quiet for half an hour. Granted, it doesn’t always work that way, but it still feels awesome regardless.” — Jemma A.

3. “Let’s order takeout.”

“Let’s order in some food! Valentine’s day is not really important to us, so every time my partner says that to me, I know he knows I don’t feel like cooking. We’ve been together for over 11 years, so no one knows me better than him.” — Jeanette B.

4. “We don’t have to have sex if you don’t feel like it.”

“Hey, we don’t have to have sex. Let me just take care of you with no expectations.” — Harlie B.

“Let’s get takeout, then cuddle in bed watching a movie. In past relationships, a cuddle has always led to sex, so only recently have I started seeing a cuddle as something other than a substitute for foreplay.” — Jenny B.

5. “Let’s take a nap.”

“Do you want to take a nap together?” — DesiRay P.

6. “I’ll take care of the kids.”

“I will take care of the kids tonight and you can take a bath and read this new book I got you. Oh and use these new bath salts I got for you.” — Nicole N.

“I have dinner planned for the kids. You go take a nice bubble bath and I will get them to bed. Then we will go do a marathon of Disney movies with candles lit, eating tacos and your favorite ice cream.” — Lexi H.

7. “I picked up your meds for you.”

“I picked up your medications today.” — Amy L.

8. “Let’s stay in tonight.”

“’Let’s stay in.’ The crowds and people everywhere become a little too much sometimes.” — Edson M.

“I isolate myself a lot and feel uncomfortable in social situations. So he told me, ‘We’re making plans at home this year.’ I know he doesn’t understand that took a million-pound weight off my shoulders. I know he would prefer to go out, as he’s very comfortable in a crowd, but he took my comfort into account and I’m more excited for Valentine’s Day this year than ever.” — Julia S.

9. “Let’s go for a drive.”

“Let’s go for a drive. Getting out of the house always clears my head. Going for a drive with no destination is always fun with no strings. Just spending time exploring and talking is amazing.” — Naomi W.

10. “Let me start a bath for you.”

“I’ve run you a bubble bath — don’t worry about the kids, I’ve got this.” — Kayleigh S.

“‘There’s a hot lavender bath waiting for you with your soda on ice, background ambient rain sounds and your favorite book. I’ll be gaming quietly with my headphones on until you’re ready for a romantic marathon of our favorite show with us on the couch cuddled up with the heating blanket. Let me know when you’re ready for me to order dinner. Also here’s an Olive Garden breadstick bouquet.’” — Priscilla M.

11. “How can I make your day easier for you?”

“I think hearing, ‘I know you are trying your hardest and that will always be good enough for me,’ would be really romantic to hear. Other ‘sexy’ or ‘romantic’ things could be, ‘How can I make this day easier for you?’ or, ‘How about we order in/go out for dinner so you don’t have to worry about cooking or cleaning up?’ Sometimes it really is the little things that are really attractive and appreciated.” — Heather P.

12. “I love you.”

“My hubby says sexy things every day — he tells me he loves me, that I’m beautiful, that he’s happy I’m his wife, that he can’t imagine his life without me, etc. He shows me affection on my terms, always asking before giving me a hug or kiss. He also takes care of all the cooking and laundry, shopping for groceries and he always picks up my prescriptions when I need them. He takes me to my psychiatrist appointments, understands about my reduced libido and just generally accepts that this is who I am now. He’s stood by my side through my entire illness and he’s not going anywhere. He truly is my soulmate and my rock.” — Christine L.

It’s true that sometimes depression can make people feel anything but “sexy” — but by getting creative with what we define as “sexy,” there is so much opportunity for deeper intimacy and connection.

What’s the “sexiest” thing a partner could say to you when you’re struggling with depression? Let us know in the comments below. 

Unsplash photo via Toa Heftiba

Originally published: February 14, 2019
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