In the Depths of Depression, This Can Make the Biggest Difference

For some one who loves to preach about living life to the full, I think about death a lot.

I think about nothingness. Quiet. Peace. These are all things I crave and never seem to get. At the same time, I’m not sure I want them; I don’t know what might happen if I do. I frighten myself with the depths of my mood — how low it can sink so quickly. I worry about my lack of ability to see further than the next day. I feel hopeless most days. Not always, but much more than I would like.

Of course, all of these things are uncomfortable and often upsetting for anyone to hear.

They strike abject terror in some, or just activate the use of extreme eye rolls in others. People generally don’t want to hear anyone talk about how low they feel. It’s awkward. It’s not easily fixable with tea and cake. We like a quick fix; an easy solution to an extremely complex problem. It’s maybe why we use such weather-worn phrases like, “Chin up! Smile! Things will get better!” and plaster our social media feeds with so-called “inspirational quotes” so readily. We want to feel we’ve done our bit, so we can sleep easier at night. We don’t want the weight of someone else’s pain.

It’s understandable. We all have so much going on in our lives, having someone confide in you they are struggling can sometimes be a borderline nuisance we simply don’t have the time, energy or mental capacity to deal with. Especially if this happens more than once. A repeat “offender” bringing the mood down with their lack of willingness to stay alive.

We are told we should talk more and open up. That we should share and there will always be someone who will listen. But when we are deeply depressed, talking can be a monumental feat. Putting one foot in front of the other can seem impossible, not to mention pointless. Why get out of bed and do absolutely anything? It’s easier to listen to our brains and wallow in our own misery, telling ourselves louder and louder everything is pointless, that we are pointless. Our brains want to trap us, encase us in our lack of self-worth, lie to us, tell us nothing matters. So, you can see why the idea of us reaching out, talking and sharing might just seem ludicrous. An impossible task.

Talking about our deepest fears, our abject pain, is incredibly hard. Especially when you factor in the idea we may upset people we love, or worse, find them drift further away from us. When we are advised to “snap out of it” or “give ourselves a shake” it serves only to isolate us even further. It implies what we are feeling is imagined and dramatic and attention-seeking. All over the internet we are told of the importance of kindness and talking honestly and openly; often by the same people who will, in the next breath, cruelly insult someone in the public eye, a colleague when they leave the room or their partner.

Kindness isn’t a tap we turn on and off with the news cycle; it’s a waterfall we should blissfully stand under and let cascade over us.

Unfortunately, those of us who want to spread love and kindness often have the quietest voices. So readily and easily drowned out by hateful trolls, cruel and unnecessarily harsh words chosen in haste, hate speech amplified on a global scale by the click of a button.

I think about death a lot. I think about the futility of life where people can be so unimaginably cruel to one another. I think about my part in that and how I can choose my own words more carefully. How I can only aim to put kindness and love into the world while I am here. I think about what I need and desperately crave when I can’t get out of bed, and how so often it’s just a kind word, some glimmer of compassion. A crumb can be a whole cake to those of us on the brink.

None of us need to be lectured about what we should or shouldn’t be doing. No inspirational quote is going to make us change our actions, only we can do that. Consideration for those who are struggling isn’t a burden to bear; it’s human kindness we can afford to employ when someone is in need.

We are all rich in goodness. It’s an incredible feeling when we give some of that wealth to those in poverty.

It might just save a life.