To My 'Safe Person': Thank You For Supporting Me Through Depression
I have what I call a “safe person.” She is the one person who knows my whole story. She’s been with me through many tough firsts over the last year and a half, and still shows me unconditional love on a daily basis. Whether it’s me reporting that I’m feeling suicidal, that I self-harmed that day or that I just have a general unwell feeling, our conversations always end with “I love you.” No matter what. But here is a time I felt extreme great love…
When I first fell into this most recent episode of depression, anxiety and self-injury, I started frequenting a primary care doctor for medication adjustments and wound care. At one of my appointments with her, we discussed the possibility of hospitalization and that it was time to add a psychiatrist to the team of various health care professionals I was already seeing, ASAP. I left that appointment absolutely terrified. I was not about to voluntarily check myself into a psychiatric hospital and was afraid of being forced into going, depending on what the psychiatrist would see or do at her appointment. The night before I went in, my anxiety was raging to the point of constant nausea, uncontrollable shaking and multiple suicide plan options, all of which I had the means to carry out.
I went to my safe person’s house for safety reasons. When she hugged me, she could tell, right away, that something big was up. Through shaky tears, I told her how I was feeling. After some discussion, she asked if it would help if she came with me to the appointment. Scared as I still was, a huge flood of relief washed over me. I still had to face it, but at least I didn’t have to do it alone. The love I felt in that moment was amazing. She was willing to take time out of her day to help me get through a particularly tough situation. What love that showed! What support that showed! Even though I tell her all the time how much I love and appreciate her, I’m not sure she’ll ever know just how much I mean it.
Thank you to all the safe people out there.
Unsplash photo via Sam Manns