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Why I’m OK With Being a Part of the ‘Moms on Antidepressants Club’

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I’m a part of the “Moms on Antidepressants Club.” It’s a not-so-secret society made up of moms who struggle with illnesses like depression and anxiety. We don’t want to be the “crazy mom,” so we keep it pretty tight-lipped on who’s in our inner-circle. We don’t know every member either because we respect people’s need to remain anonymous.

It’s not an exclusive group; anyone can join. But even though we may take our pills, our days are still not filled with unicorns and rainbows.

Even when there’s nothing we should be upset about, we sometimes find ourselves feeling sad. People who don’t understand say, “but there’s nothing you should be sad about.” And we know that rationally speaking, but we can’t help how we feel — that’s depression.

Some days, it’s just a passing moment. Other days, the sadness lingers by draining through our entire bodies, through every cell and organ, and we feel it deeply.

We think of all the people who probably don’t like us. We go through all of our unanswered texts. We nitpick until we’re good and miserable.

We’re not enough.

We’re awkward.

We’re ugly.

And we feel alone.

But we aren’t alone. We’re a part of the Moms on Antidepressants Club. So, we take a little pill each morning or night to help lessen the bad feelings and thoughts. And it gets better, but it’s not a bulletproof vest. So, some days, we still feel sad.

We aren’t “crazier” than you. We are you, wanting to be better versions of ourselves for our kids. And antidepressants make us “better” moms, so of course, we take them.

They aren’t for the weak. They are for the strong because the strong take the help they need, even if it’s inside of a small prescription bottle. And we take it day in, day out to feel better despite the stigmas and labels.

We take a pill so we can dance, laugh and feel each day with our kids. We take a pill so we’re able to make it through the day without every comment or incident causing us to spiral.

We take a pill to show our kids that getting help is brave — that we’re brave — and they can be too.

Photo by Sestrjevitovschii Ina on Unsplash

Originally published: February 4, 2020
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