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The Message That Helped Me in My Darkest Moment

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Sometimes at night, I can’t trust my thoughts or my own judgments. Sometimes, I don’t even know who I am. I wake up in the morning and read the texts I sent the night before, and I cringe because I can’t stand that person; I can’t stand who I am at night. Things are dark, stubborn, and it’s very difficult to get myself out of my own head. But there is always one girl who seems to know how to do exactly that for me.

I had a very rough night about a week ago. I didn’t think I was going to make it and I could see myself falling through the cracks of my own darkness. When I told this girl, she said to me: “What do you need me to do? Do you need me to come get you? Call you? What do you need?”

Tears fell down my face when I read that. I curled up in my bed, crying, overwhelmed with gratitude for this girl. When I thanked her for being that person for me, she said: “I will always be that person for you. I will always talk you off the ledge. It doesn’t sound dumb at all. I know you. I know who you are, I know what you’re like. And I also know that you do not want to die. You have so much life left in you to live. You have so many plans for your future. This is not where it ends. Tomorrow will be better. You’re going to wake up and not be so inside your own head. I know nighttime is the worst.”

She knows me. When I don’t know myself, she knows me. She’s seen me through multitudes of these conversations, and so many others between the hours of 1 a.m. and 3 a.m. She’s driven miles in the dead of night to take my mind off my mind. She knows me. She’s the best kind of friend a person could ever want to have. I am so blessed that people like her exist in this world.

 If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

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Thinkstock photo via Marco_Piunti

Originally published: June 29, 2017
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