What to Know About Loving Me Regarding My Depression
It’s not impossible to love me.
I cannot lie – it will not be easy, but no relationship is.
Relationships are hard, and this one may be the hardest of them all.
However, it could be wonderful. I have so much love to give.
It will be hard, but not impossible. Not if I commit. Commit to continuing my treatment. Commit to looking after myself. Commit to trying make myself happy. Commit myself to you. To us.
It’ll be hard, but not impossible. Not if I understand. Understand that seeing me low will upset you. Understand you’ll be hurt when I push you away. Understand your fear and frustration and feelings of helplessness are valid. Understand that, when I’m OK, you’ll need me to tell what to do next time I fall ill.
If I commit and understand, then you can love me.
Stand by me.
Be patient with me.
Love me.
But I must commit and I must understand. I must.
And… I did not.
I did not commit or understand. My love now lies deep inside me. Unspent. Wasted. I can have no complaints.
Loving me is not impossible. I just made it so.
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Thinkstock photo via OcusFocus
My name is Christopher. I live in Liverpool, England, and I write about my battle with depression. You can find my work on vocal.media (link below!) 'Flow' explores my admission to a psychiatric ward, and rebuilding my life afterwards. Thank you.
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