For the past 9 weeks I haven't been in control of my body. Almost as if my movements are being controlled by someone on the other side of the TV who finds it absolutely hilarious to make me run into walls and fall down for no apart reason. I was actually looking forward to my surgery, not the recovery. I was looking forward to returning to work where I had built my home away from home. Sure the pay was horrible but I felt needed and that can be hard to find in a job. I have BCBS, I thought I had all my ducks in a row. I was so, so very wrong. Between the doctors visits co-pay, the PT 3 times a week co-pay (after) and what I ACTUALLY have to pay to get the surgery. IT WONT even be possible to have my operation. And people I'm not in control of my body. My gait is affected and only getting worse. I feel so defeated and depressed. Honestly, I am having a very hard time finding the silver lining. I want to work. I want to exercise. I want to take care of my family. At my age I WANT to be a productive member of society in some way, shape or form, so defeated.