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The One Thing That Keeps Me From Letting Go of My Daughter With Down Syndrome

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Yesterday during a meeting with “Babies Can’t Wait,” the subject of inclusion and school for Savannah Lanier came up. I was overcome with fear and “what if” scenarios. I’m sure this topic is something many of us mommas have at some point.

I already have “fears” of future school days and cruelty towards Savannah Lanier. It can sometimes make me feel helpless. As a believer, I am reminded to “fear not.” God didn’t put that statement in His word 365 times for no reason. He is almost screaming at me to fear not. However, as a protective human mom, I have to painfully let go as different chapters end and stages evolve. We are meant to let go. We are meant to teach, love and encourage our babies to grow and leave the nest. So, why does it hurt us to do that at times? For me, the answer is simple: fear.

Then I see God do sweet things through sweet people. I see God reveal Himself in situations and I see my baby defy odds. Then slowly but surely the fear of that particular area, disappears. I am stubborn, after seeing God do the impossible, I still doubt. The beautiful part of this, is God continues to show His love, conquer our battles and reveal that He is bigger than any fear.

There is a part of me that wants to shelter Savannah Lanier and just surround her with others who will accept her and others like her. Then, I’m slapped with conviction. Separation just promotes discrimination. If we don’t see others who are different from us, if we don’t get to truly know others who are different than us, then we can never learn from those differences. We would never gain compassion and we would never know how to love unselfishly.

Lord, continue to guide this journey and teach me to love through Your eyes. As each chapter ends and a new one begins, replace any fear with faith and peace that rests in only You!

Follow this journey on Lady Positive and on Instagram.

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Originally published: November 8, 2017
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