Summer is the time of year when children run around outside, scream, laugh and eventually get so exhausted they crash. For many summer is a wonderful time. For me, it is painful.
My body is not as skinny as it once was. I experienced severe body dysmorphia and most symptoms of an eating disorder. I restricted my calorie intake and exercised caution around food. I had a skinny body. I thought I was healthy. In actuality, I was a bag of bones hurling towards death. I found my way into a hospital and improved tremendously.
Unfortunately, summer is one of those times when I cannot escape bad feelings, harsh thoughts and poor body image. My scars show when I wear shorts. My stomach, no longer flat, hangs down as a “muffin top” over said shorts. Two piece swimsuits scare me. The sound of children screaming at the pool throw me back to tortuous times. Summer should be a break from school, and from the anxiety that comes with school. In truth, for me, it is a long nightmare.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. As I learn to accept myself for who I am, I can learn to love myself. With this love will come confidence. The fear and pain will fade. I’m sure it can for everyone else, as well.
I am many things in life. A child. A sibling. A friend. A partner. I do many things with my life. I create. I perform. I inspire. I am all of these things and more. While my illness is a part of me, it does not define me.
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