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Why My Friends Are My Reason for Eating Disorder Recovery

Editor's Note

If you live with an eating disorder, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “NEDA” to 741741.

In almost every self-help book I have come across, the very first psychologists I interacted with and the odd blog, they all talked of finding your “why.”

Your “why” is your reason, purpose and driving force during this journey that is managing and recovering from an eating disorder.

I’m sure many people have their reason for many things and rarely is this really questioned. Though, every guide to recovery seems to be telling me I needed to be my reason why. No one else. Me. Me and recovery or any other reason and illness.

As an individual experiencing nearly her 10th year of living with an eating disorder, this sounded impossible.

As someone with a bully for an internal narrator, how was I ever to achieve this?

For as long as I have known, bulimia nervosa had me believing, without any shred of doubt, that I was a shameful and monstrous human being. How then am I meant to find the drive within me to go forth and commit to recovery as a commitment to my life?

Bulimia has seen me to death’s door more than once, hidden any goodness of mine away from my eyes and starved me of energy.

How then am I to will recovery into motion?

Luckily, I actually didn’t have to find my “why” within myself. I had a world full of people in whom I believed instead.

My “why” was and still is my friends, in part for how they have raised me to be my own reason to live on. In the purest form, they had hope when I had long since lost the meaning of the word.

My reason to give myself a chance, to believe in myself, was almost solely based on these words my friends said:

“Jodie,” they began in some of my most difficult times. “We care about you and we worry for you. We understand that you want to help us and if that is really the case then show us, get support, look after yourself and help us with that.”

You don’t always have to be your own reason, so long as it the “why” is most sincere and truly met with unconditional love, support and a desire and ability to create a supportive environment.

Photo by Luke Porter on Unsplash

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