What I Want You to Know If You Didn’t Eat Today

To the girl who didn’t eat today,

I know it’s hard.

I’ve been there. I know how it feels. I know what it’s like to go to bed so hungry but so angry at yourself because how dare you be. You don’t deserve to be hungry.

You deserve to be happy.

I know it’s lonely.

I know it feels like no one out there understands you. You feel like you can’t talk to your friends because it’s a running joke. You can’t talk to your teachers because they’ll tell the principal, and the principal will call your parents. You can’t tell your parents because they’ll insist therapy will solve all your problems and completely disregard the fact your heart aches more than your muscles, and all you need is for someone to say “I love you” and mean it.

I know how you feel. You are not alone.

You are not weak.

You are not weak for thinking the only way you’ll ever love yourself and be loved by others is to fit inside the beauty box that’s several sizes too small. You are not weak for giving up everything to try to be happy. You are not weak for knowing life is unfair. You are so strong; it’s just that no one has ever told you.

You will be OK.

Even if it doesn’t seem like it today. Even if you’re sitting on the floor of your bathroom, shaking against the cold tile, and the only thing keeping you awake is the muted sound of the television in the next room. You will survive this. You will wake up one morning and know your worth for the first time. You will be that success story. You will empower young boys and girls. You will. Just give it time.

You will not fight alone.

I stand with you. I will fight for you every day. You will not go through this alone. You don’t have to. I know how it feels to feel worthless, and I will be here every day to tell you how absolutely breathtaking you are and that one slice of pizza isn’t going to change that.

Time won’t heal all wounds, but it sure will make it a little easier.

You’ll never heal 100% from this. You will battle your eating disorder every day for the rest of your life. You’ll walk into a restaurant or a grocery store and wonder why the hell you just can’t be “normal.” You’ll wonder why you have to run past the bakery because you might be tempted to buy a box of donuts. You’ll wonder why you have to pick and choose which menu item to buy because you feel you can’t have both. You’ll wonder why the calorie information for any given food is memorized, constantly floating about in your head.

You will never be 100% healed, but time will help. You will get better. Soon, you’ll be able to walk past the bakery a little slower. Soon, you’ll be able to open your pores to the smell of fresh bread and not curl in fear. Soon, you’ll be able to choose which cookie you want. Soon, you won’t be scared of living.

You are worth it.

No amount of calories can change the worth and the light you bring to this planet. You are special and unique all on your own, and it’s time you start treating yourself that way.