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When You Don't Feel Worthy of Eating Disorder Recovery

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Demi Lovato said, “One of the hardest things was learning I was worth recovery.” 

I would consider myself “in recovery” for over five months now. But still, every day I wake up and go to bed debating whether or not recovery is for me. There are days where I think about giving in. Fighting day after day, meal after meal, seems like too much sometimes and besides, I’m not that strong.

When I look at others that are recovered, they make life seem so easy. But they’re recovered because they are good people and they deserve it. There are just times where I don’t feel like I deserve it. That I’m not a good person; that I will always be defined by my eating disorder. There are days where I lay in bed debating if this is a fight I should even be fighting. My mind filled with thoughts of letting the disorder win.

Sometimes our brains can play tricks on us. They tell us that we are unworthy of recovering; that we are nothing beyond our eating disorders. But the reality is that we are all deserving of having a life worth living, with or without an eating disorder.

I am strong, courageous and brave; whether I realize it or not. Each and every one of us is deserving of a fulfilling, rewarding and meaningful life. We all have our own challenges to overcome; whether it is an eating disorder, depression or a physical illness. We all face adversity and likewise, we all must overcome adversity.

We are all worth it. You deserve recovery just as much as I do. We all deserve to be able to wake up in the morning loving ourselves and to eat a meal without being at war in our heads. So the next time your brain tells you you aren’t worth it, prove it wrong.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you can call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237.

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Thinkstock photo via kevinhillillustration

Originally published: November 3, 2017
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