I hate this. I hate these feelings. I hate them so very much.

I’ve had some super fun awesome Manic episodes (not kidding I loved it, accept the mistakes 🙄 and there was a lot-squirrel) and some super depressive episodes. The medication (lamictal) stopped being enough. After hallucinations and suicidal ideation Ive finally ended up on Lithium. And fuck me, it’s working. I don’t see hallucinations and I don’t want to kill myself. BUT 10 pounds in 5 months. Nobody understands how much this is messing me up. I’m literally trapped in my head. Is it worse to loathe myself, every waking hour spent on negative self thinking or to be “ok” with it. Accept I’ll be fat again? #BipolarDisorder bipolardisorder1 #AnxietyDisorder #epd #BodyDysmorphia #codependant