When My School Had a Lockdown Because of My Invisible Disability

I fell asleep, and then I woke up… that’s what happened.

I don’t remember having a seizure right in the middle of class, my twin sister sobbing trying to get to me, the ambulance, the EMTs hiking up the steps to retrieve me on a stretcher. I certainly don’t remember the whole middle school going on a lockdown just for me.

The whole world seemed to stop when everyone was staring at me with confusion in their eyes and the teachers herding all the students into another classroom; I’ve always wanted attention, but not in that way. I didn’t want to face the consequences of middle school kids mocking my seizure moves, nor did I want to be the person with an invisible disability.

Other relevant stories:
• Can Epilepsy Come Back After Years
• Does Epilepsy Go Away
• What Are the 12 Types of Seizures 

I didn’t ask to have epilepsy.

Who would want to blank out in the middle of class and not remember what happened five minutes before? Who would desire having no control over their actions? When I can feel a seizure coming on, there’s nothing I can do to stop that feeling rising up and overtaking my whole body. I would dare say no one would want that life.

However, through all of it, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I wouldn’t change having wires glued to my head or going in an obnoxiously loud tube after having to take all my jewelry off. I wouldn’t change having 15 tubes of blood ejected out of my body or being intentionally weaned off my medication so I would have more seizures. I wouldn’t change having a drain in my brain or having my right temporal lobe removed. I wouldn’t change this because it helped save my life. At just 14, when I’d already been through it all, it saved my life.

Having seizures helped get me on the right medication, find my true friends, rely on prayers and God and ultimately revealed to the surgeons where to operate. Seizures helped me realize I don’t have the worst life, nor do I have the best. They helped me figure out I’m unique and wonderfully made.

People with epilepsy are not all alike; however, we all do understand what it’s like to have a seizure, and we’re all there for each other when we need to talk to someone going through the same situation.

Although my peers have treated differently since that school lockdown, I’ve used my experiences to not only better myself but to educate others.

I wouldn’t change a thing.