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To My Partner: I Love You More Because of My Illness

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To my love,

We knew each other for years before we began dating. I liked you for years, but I never expected to fall in love with you. And then a few months in, I realized my feelings were growing into something more. You blurted out that you loved me to both of our surprise. As you apologized, I said it was OK because I love you too.

Months went by. You would be understanding when I would have to go home to get my medication because I forgot it. You would understand when I would need a cold room to sleep. You would massage my feet when I said they felt like they were on fire.

I thought I loved you as much as I possibly could. I was wrong.

My first flare-up during our relationship opened my eyes.

You did not know what I meant when I said, “I’m going to have a fibro attack tonight.” Minutes later, I looked up at you with tears in my eyes and you asked what was wrong. All I could say was, “I am in so much pain.” I could not explain that I was holding onto the wall because I was afraid my legs were going to give out.

You walked behind me up the stairs just in case I fell backwards. You did everything to help me get ready for bed and to relieve my pain the best we could. I never had someone who was this understanding and supportive.

You began to know the numerical pain scale. I received many text messages over the next few days asking what my pain number was at.

You came to my house to take care of me after I had to leave work early due to pain. I told you not to come because I have been through this before. You did not listen to me. When I got up to go to work, you put me back into bed telling me there was no way I could walk. I spent that day where you left me to rest.

I began to realize my love for you grew with every little thing you did. There is no one better I could have chosen to live my life with. You are helpful even when you don’t know how to help. You love me and my disorder.

I love you more than you will ever know.

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Thinkstock photo via Lacheev.

Originally published: May 18, 2017
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