How Losing My Ability to Skateboard Is Shaping My Identity

To many, skateboarding is just a silly pastime. Frivolous, or even delinquent. For me, it’s been a huge part of my life. From my first crappy Wal-Mart board I bought myself when my aunt took me Black Friday shopping as a preteen to the board I designed myself and called a “medium board” back when longboards were the thing, skateboards have been part of my life experience for decades. I met friends through skateboarding. I got around by skateboarding. People knew me in college by my bright orange board and in grad school, my students would laugh when I brought my skateboard to class. I even wrote an article a while back about how skateboarding was still important to me in spite of my disability.

• What is Fibromyalgia?
• What Are Common Fibromyalgia Symptoms?

For the past few months, I’ve had the skateboard in the backseat of my car, daring me to take it back out.  Before that, it was in my closet for years. But the truth is, I can’t use it anymore. My balance from my disorder has gotten so bad that I need a cane to walk almost all the time, and sometimes a walker. My back issues are bad enough that one fall can do great damage. Not to mention that I probably wouldn’t be able to handle crutches because of my pain and weakness, so if I hurt my leg I’d have to use a wheelchair. And if I hurt my arm, I’d lose my only free arm since the other holds my cane. Who knows what would happen if I hurt both arms?

It’s weird how these things shape your identity. I used to be known as “the girl with the skateboard” and now I’m known as “the lady with the cane.” The only difference is one is an identity I picked up willingly and the other one was forced upon me. I guess we all grow up and lose the ability to do things we care about. I just was hoping it wouldn’t happen so soon.

I keep telling myself I have to push through it, to get back on the board, so to speak. But in my condition, I have to take care of myself, and right now that means putting the skateboard away.