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My Worries About How My Illnesses Will Affect My Son

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I am a mother to a wonderful, sweet little boy. He is an active 8-year-old who loves to do the typical things…play outside, ride his bike, read books, play video games and run. But since we live so close to Disney, he loves to go there too. What kid (or adult) wouldn’t, right?

Well, because I battle a slew of chronic illnesses, it is difficult at times to go out and do the things he loves to do and it makes me feel guilty. And I know I am not alone. Sometimes when I send off my kid to school, I lay in bed the rest of the day because I can’t handle the fibromyalgia flare-up. There are days when my scoliosis pain is so out of control, I need my son’s help. He will bring me water, ice packs or whatever it is that I need to reduce the severity of my pain.

When we can go to Disney, we can walk around but we need to take a lot of breaks and take many precautions because of my migraines and seizures due to my brain disease. Obviously, I am not able to get on the “cool” rides, so he has to miss out on those. My husband works long hours so he rarely can hang out with us at the parks. When I do go, I sometimes end up at the first aid station to get some ice or more assistance.

Whenever I am laying in bed in the dark with ice on my head, he comes in the room to check on me constantly. He brings me things without asking, draws me little get well notes, and kisses my forehead and tells me to get better. He knows that on days like this, we will not be doing anything or going anywhere so he doesn’t bother asking.

But when I am “well enough” I try my hardest to be strong enough to do something that he likes. As a mother you always want the best and want to see your child happy. You want to care for your child and see them grow and always be healthy. It shouldn’t be the other way around. I don’t want him growing up and worrying about me and my health.

While I can’t control how and when my scoliosis, my fibromyalgia or my brain disease will attack, I always try my best to make him smile. I know I am a good mother to him and I love him with every ounce I got, but sometimes I can’t help but feel that my chronic illnesses get in the way and affect not only me but him as well.

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Thinkstock photo via SHSPhotography.

Originally published: May 9, 2017
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