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4 Types of People You'll Meet When You Date While Chronically Ill

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There are never ending questions you ask yourself while dating with a chronic illness. I’ve found myself Googling, “When do I tell the person I’m dating I’m sick?” I’ve also been asking myself questions such as:

“When do I disclose these things?”

“Will they cope?”

“What if I get hurt?”

Love is hard, regardless of whether you are healthy or not. But here are some of the types of people you can meet when you’re dating when you’re sick:

1. The people who pity you.

The one who looks at you with pity in their eyes when they see you at your lowest moment. There is nothing I want more than to be an equal in my relationships. Being constantly babied and treated like a lesser human being is not a turn on. Trying to not define yourself by your illnesses is not helped by someone who only sees sickness when they look at you.

2. The experts.

The one who says things like. “My aunt cut out gluten, sugar and carbs from her diet and she’s totally fine now.” Or, “I’ve heard about this super rare condition that I think you have.” They are convinced that maybe it’s just your low iron, no matter how much you tell them your iron levels are actually the best they’ve been in years. They will try to teach you things that you already know about the illnesses that you’ve lived with for years. Don’t get me wrong, it is so lovely when someone takes a genuine interest and takes the time to look into what you have to understand it more. But I don’t anyone to act like they know my body better than I do.

3. The people who just can’t handle it.

These are the most common people I’ve come across. Some people realize they can’t handle it when you first tell them what you have to deal with, while some take weeks or months to realize. These are the people who run a mile the second you say you feel like you’re about to vomit or think of you as a burden because of your illnesses. I wish that no one came across these people, as they leave you feeling like you will never find happiness.

4. The people who ignore it.

These are the ones who avoid all conversation around your illnesses. Rarely ask you how you’re feeling, never ask how doctor’s appointments went and generally freeze when speaking about anything health related.

4. The people who just get it right.

Now these are the rarest of the lot. Finding someone that realizes that your illnesses are just part of you and love them all the same is extremely lucky. These people know what to say. They never say, “Hope you feel better soon!” or, “Are you better yet?” They will sit on the bathroom floor with you or hold you hand as your cry your eyes out. They will be there for the good days where you have the energy to go out and explore, and for the dark days when all you can do is lay in a hospital bed. These are the ones who make you feel good enough, make you feel like you are worth more.

To find the right person, you have to value yourself. You have to see yourself as someone who can contribute to a relationship and who deserves to be loved. It is incredibly easy to let your illnesses define you and it is incredibly hard to learn how to love yourself. This is something I’m still working on, but I’ll get there.

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Gettyimage by: clownbusiness

Originally published: January 3, 2018
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