Hi Family,
I hope I'm posting this correctly.. Its been a while... So after a discussion with my future mother in law who I'm blessed to have 🤗 I did some reflective thinking. In a nut shell the discussion was about my acceptance of cptsd and gad and md I decided after over six months of intense anxiety and stress two hospital visits and feeling worse on prozac taking advice on my gut and others and cutting contact with bullying family members, moving to a new home and looking for a new job I'd take a year out as advised... Leave studying or working and heal at my baby step pace and focus on my counselling and getting better. Driving became a panic attack nightmare, leaving the house was a major issue and interaction with people because exhausting. So I'm in the process of now filling out forms and changing doctors and wanting to apply for disability benefit... And then the question was right under my nose!!! After years of research it states with cptsd you can heal and work and live a full life as its a disorder... This made me struggle so I felt as though I'm doing the same as someone who has no mental health issues but I face painful palpations, stress tears, panic, intense fear lack of sleep exhaustion etc. But I only have a disorder... So that means I can get help and get better right? And I'm expected to get better quickly and carry on with life. No where does it state a disorder is a term used medically and disability is used in legal terms... Yet its a disability if it effectives your day to day life.
I feel as though I kept breaking down to the equivalent of putting a plaster over a burst pipe that's been gushing water from the time I was five years old and being told to get up and go again... So I've decided I'm not doing this anymore my body has had enough. I need rest and restoration and I'm going to have to fight to get the healing and time off that I need in order to fully heal. My future mother in law told me not to give myself a time limit it it takes five years so be it. I honestly don't mean this from a selfish point I'm just exhausted and burnt out and wish people could understand that if I only do one thing a day such as make one call... Be brave enough to drive to the shops and back or have the energy just to clean one room that that should be enough because my disorders need to be recognised, rather that well... if people can't physically see it that I'm not really that bad.
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