The Grief That Comes When You Age Past a Loved One Who Died by Suicide

Many say, “Age is just a number.” Perhaps that is true for the intended purpose in regards to vanity, fulfilling your dreams, energy levels, etc. But what about when we age past a loved one who has died?

Age is no longer “just” a number to me. On March 24, I will be 38 years old. My brother, David, was 4 years older than me and his birthday was on March 23. We were 4 years and 1 day apart. Birthdays hold many special and funny memories … but not this year, nor have they since he has been gone.

My brother died by suicide at the age of 38. He never saw any age past that. And now, here I am, the younger sibling, the little sister, who is about to age her older brother.

I hate the feeling of getting older, but only because I know I’m going to live past David. I have no problem aging because I know not everyone has that luxury. I’m proud of my gray hair that is starting to take over my brunette head. I’m proud of the lines forming on my face from the smiles, laughter, tears and despair throughout the years. I’m proud of the feeling of contentment and desire to be who I am and not feel the need to be anything but me. I’m also proud of myself for just acknowledging this heartache of aging past my brother and not pretending everything is fine.

I’m not the first person, nor will I be the last person, who will experience aging past a loved one, but I hope by bringing awareness to this topic, it can promote conversations and compassion for anyone going through this or anyone who has been through this terrible and unnatural life circumstance.

Last year, a dear friend in my survivors of suicide group mentioned he would be aging past his older brother who died by suicide. I had not even thought about that factor in this never-ending grief cycle, but alas, here I am. I’m so grateful he prepared me for what was to come, just by speaking about it. We don’t wish anyone to know this feeling, but I’m so thankful to not be alone and I hope if you’re in this situation, you don’t feel alone, either.

Here’s to a peaceful birthday, year and life.