Depths of hell #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PsychoticEpisodes #Helpmefight
“Im sorry you’re feeling down— let’s reschedule” -My Professor. He’s so kind and understanding and I really enjoy having him as a professor but this makes it clear he has no idea what it’s like to have BPD. Its a bad day— meaning I’m in the depths of hell and I can’t get out. Im freaking out so bad. At first I was laying on the floor and couldn’t come up with a reason to get up and then I saw a spider (not sure if it was real or not) and now I can’t help but feel bugs everywhere. There are voices whispering horrible things about me and there is a tiny gremlin inside my brain swinging a hammer around and around and around. And I want to throw up. And cut. And take all my sleeping pills. Anything to make it stop. But I live with my boyfriend. He’s not home right now but I love him very much and DO NOT want him to come home and find me like that. So I won’t. But it doesn’t change the fact that I really want to. Why did this professors words of kindness and an attempt to understand set me off so much?