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What It's Like to Be Exhausted by Day, Wide Awake by Night

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Sleep. Resting the body and mind for hours at a time. How to restore your body when you have had a long day of work or school. After a good night’s sleep, you wake up refreshed and ready to start a new day full of energy, and when the day is over start the process all over again. But what if sleep doesn’t refresh your body, refill it with energy? What if you’re unable to sleep at all? That is my daily struggle.

I am exhausted all day long, with no improvement. I used to try everything – coffee, energy drinks, espresso, naps…nothing helped. And then, when it comes time to go to bed at an acceptable hour, I’m not able to sleep, even though I’m so worn out I don’t want to get up to use the bathroom. I sit up all night, just praying I drift off into the darkness that I dream of. I wake up in the morning and realize I only got three hours of sleep. I get up for the day and do it all over again.

Some days are not as bad; I’ll admit it. Those days I do more than usual, like go to the store (I know, I know, but for me that is a big feat), go outside with my dog and spend more time standing up than sitting down. And I feel great about myself that day. Then, the next day, the fatigue sets in again.

It is a hard thing for friends and family to understand, me being tired all day long, every day. I can’t maintain a regular job, I can’t make plans (or at least keep them), I haven’t been to every major holiday with family in years…the list goes on and on. I’m thankful for the good days I have, even though they are few and far between. It gives me something to look forward to on the days I’m stuck in bed wishing I could be outside, swimming, walking, basking in the sunshine and just being the normal me.

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Thinkstock photo via KatarzynaBialasiewicz.

Originally published: May 17, 2017
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