Insomnia

I am up and can’t get back to sleep. I have sleep tracker programs that I have been using for over a week now. I average a little over an hour of sleep per 24 hours. And even that little bit is enmeshed with several wakes. I am losing my mind between the chronic fatigue and pure exhaustion. The brain fog has me detached from everything I hold dear. Insomnia has been a life long battle but it’s never been like this. I’m scared…

Being alone when you can’t sleep is seems worse… at least maybe I am not bothering anyone? My boyfriend is deployed right now. We don’t get to talk much at all. He isn’t sure when he will return, but he thinks it may be soonish? But really who knows? He has already been approved for a months leave when he returns. I hope and pray he returns soon without injury to body, soul, or mind. I have honestly never been with another man who was as supportive or good to me as he is…

Update-Jason was shot, but he is tough and the Lord is merciful! The bullet was removed from his leg and he got one stitch! I am so grateful. Thank you for your prayers!

I bought a couple of different sleep tracking abilities. My Insomnia has gotten so critical that I am completely detached from everything and everyone - including myself. I have to do something. Supplements, OTC sleeping tablets, prescription sleeping pills, hot milk, herbal tea, bath,reading…white noise … you get the picture.

So now we track what is going on. I am averaging 1 hrs 36 min of sleep per 24 hour period….with at least 3 wakes in each night.
Ok I have been recording this over a week now. What am I supposed to do with this info? My PCP is at a loss. She feels like she has tried everything.

Meanwhile I am losing my mind quite literally. I live in an Assisted Living Facility and they have to screen us every 3 months. My scores now show mild to moderate dementia alert. What specialist is there for insomnia besi.des a Psychiatrist? All they can really do is fling pills at you. Mine has already tried and says he has no more tricks up his sleev. Someone anyone … post your ideas …all of you …all of them … PLEASE!

Hi, my name is Vader1. I'm here because over the past 12 months, I have recalled sexual abuse from my Stepdad - over 40 years ago. It started with complete disassociation, then I began to have flashbacks, which played out in order of the abuse. When they began, it was basically the grooming techniques he used and by the time I had fully recalled that he had raped me repeatedly for years (between 7 and 11), I had a mental breakdown and now have locked in moments (where I recall a certain instance in full but appear to be zoned out) and have horrific hallucinations of him attacking myself and family members at night - leading to insomnia. I rarely leave the house, as I see his face on strangers on the street and then have flashbacks and lock-ins in public areas.
I have been on a waiting list for a therapist for a year and lost my job due to my condition. I feel very much alone with my reactions to my memories and have not had any connections with anyone else that has suffered the same circumstances as myself. I'm just looking for someone to talk to who understands? My family and friends have been great - really supportive, loving and compassionate, but they find it difficult to comprehend how difficult every night is for me (I have sheets on all mirrors and all curtains drawn or I will hallucinate him in the reflection) and how scared I am almost all the time.
I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and am in regular contact with a psychiatrist, but am desperate for the NHS system to finally find me a suitable therapist - as the longer this has progressed, the more suicidal I have become. I am worried about how worthless I feel and how much I have changed. I am a divorcee and my youngest child has just told me that he doesn't want to see me anymore because I have changed. He is 15, but I haven't explained it all to him - I just can't find the words.
I would love to be able to connect with others in my situation and find out how you have/are coping with the trauma and it's effects on your daily life and personality/relationships/family etc.
I'm sorry this is so long winded! It's the first time that I have expressed my feelings on paper and it's kind of flooded out. If you've taken the time to read this until the end, thank you for both your patience and your time x
#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #OCD

I went dancing tonight.An activity I adored before becoming a mother and spouse. Im trying to come down after a day of wonderful things.I figured writing might help me regulate.My son and I were celebrating a small accomplishment.I entered an ART show and the judging had some outside influence.I do not know how to take it,to be honest.Am I receiving this on my merit or because of the impression they have been given, my story,so to say.it is a series extremely personal and knew to express for me.True Authenticity, the same mask at every turn is my goal.Exposing myself, scariest and most exciting thing in my life.I am grateful,if he only knew.I am still in it, coping,learning to navigate my frustration, my lack of, executive function due to hypo insomnia,that is caused by inflammation and vascular pressure from a cerebral avm.it isn't something I do, whip around and exert,unless hypoadrenal state kicks in, but tonight,all good feelings.
Im physically hearing it now,thrombing and pressure,numbness in my fingers and my eye has been twitching all evening.All worth it,all of it.Im grateful and hopeful.I want more and I deserve it.I have steps but they get lost between "them".I felt alive today. Humor and lifes reflection.it was funny and had puposefully let me let it go.It felt needed.Harmless.I won't forget.I like moving again and my body needed it.

The uncertainty of the misdiagnose, the stigma of an invisible disease, the disruption to "normal" life would be manageable on their own. But today I'm drowning in symptoms on top of all that, and the already isolated life I had feels a lot heavier on my tired shoulders.

Fibro fever, extreme joint pain, sensory overload, sore throat, migraine, insomnia (first time this severe for me)

My skin all over my body feels like I'm touching a low electric current. And when I do crash for a few minutes, I am dealing with the symptoms in a nightmare instead of the real world.

Tomorrow I'm asking for a much needed raise, but I can barely function. I am afraid for my livelihood.

I need a deep cushiony hug to last the whole night.

#Fibromyalgia

Hi Everyone. I would be grateful for peoples input on long term anti depression meds . I have been on/off (mostly on) Mirtazapine for several years due to anxiety/ depression/ chronic pain.

I’ve always been a bit uneasy about it but they seemed to help and the real win was they definitely helped me sleep at night .

A few times I felt like I was doing well enough to stop and I wanted to be med free but each time I try this I crash badly . The withdrawal gives me terrible insomnia. This is even with a very gradual reduction tapering down to a tiny dose which I was feeling fine with (3.75mg down from 15) but as soon as I go to nothing at all my brain doesn’t like it.

Current attempt is 14 days in and the sleep has been terrible since about day 5. Not sure how long I’ll be able to keep going tbh.

I’m curious to know if anyone has had similar and how they overcame it ? Or perhaps I need to make peace with the scenario that I will need to take them forever more .

I recently read an article on the BBC (I’m in the Uk 🇬🇧) about a lady who experienced withdrawal symptoms for over a year which I found frightening.