lackofenergy

I’m coming up with excuses as reasons not to hang out with a friend. In reality, I just don’t have the energy to be able to do that today. Not right now at least. And that’s the thing with chronic pain and illness. I’m now starting to see and feel the effects. As I have gotten older, I have had to grieve life before as I knew it.
Years of battling eating disorders, mental health issues, trauma, and physical health issues have taken a toll on my body and I’m still nowhere near answers as to what is wrong with me, making me feel like I am crazy.
How do you tell a friend because of your health you don’t have the energy to hang out with him when he takes things personal? How do you tell your family members you love them and want to hang out with them but you just don’t have the energy to be around people or in the general public when you hardly see some of them because they live in Louisiana and East Texas? How do you tell your close school friends that you want to be at that party later but you have a bbq and pool party already reserved for that day and by the end of you will no longer have the energy to be doing anything more? How can you have so little energy when before, you were up for anything- stayed out at bars until 2 am, took midnight trips to walk on the beach at Galveston, hiked, kickboxed, strength-trained, danced, and ran every morning while doing chores and going to college? How did everything fall apart to having little to no energy and spending part time in a wheelchair and part time on crutches after years of being mobile, physical, and having energy despite battling a deadly eating disorder? And suddenly now that I’m in recovery, my body seems to be shutting down. I’ll find out soon if it’s PCOS or something else causing the nausea, digestive issues, hormone imbalances, and non-healing bone injuries to my hips and spine. I’ve been in recovering long enough that my eating disorder shouldn’t be causing any issues. But what if it’s only that that’s wrong? What if it’s more? What if is PCOS and what will my life look like after the diagnosis? My medical team had narrowed it down to that. Now I await answers. How does one go about life in the meantime, not knowing what’s wrong while friends want to hang out? This road is long and it is isolating and like many, I feel alone. I also know I’m not the only one who feels the way I do. For that, I’m thankful for the sense of community and would love to be a voice for others as well when they can’t put things into words. Now we wait. #EatingDisorder #IBS #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #lackofenergy