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Why Resilience Has Been Key to My Success in Life With a Learning Disability

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One of the most important lessons I have learned with having a learning disability is resilience. Resilience is defined as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and toughness. Being resilient is important when you have a disability or face any type of adversity.

I had to learn not to give up early on in my life. I can remember being frustrated when it took me longer to pick up on simple concepts such as tying my shoes, math and handwriting. I watched my peers achieve these tasks with less effort. I can remember being upset about having to try and fail. My teachers knew I could do it and encouraged me. One teacher remarked that I would think I couldn’t do something and then I would surprise myself when I could get it.

My parents were also a great source of encouragement and support. Supportive adults are important in the life of a child. A 2015 study on resiliency was conducted from the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. The study showed that the power of one strong adult relationship was the most important part of resilience. Children who have positive interactions build “key capacities, such as the ability to plan monitor, adapt and regulate their behavior to the circumstances.” Negative adult interactions cause their brains to not work to their optimal potential. The result of not having positive interactions causes the brain to perceive the absence as a threat and creates a stress response. The stress response can lead to psychological, physical and mental health problems. The stress makes it harder for children to bounce back from difficult circumstances.

Many families do not want their child to experience disappointment, and will go to great lengths to ensure that doesn’t happen. I have known people whose parents did this for them, and they lack the coping skills needed for adult life. Many of these people waited for their parents to fix their problems and had little accountability for their actions. As a result of hovering parents, these individuals did not learn from their mistakes and could not accept constructive feedback. Often, they viewed someone else as the problem and could not view the perspective of someone else.

My parents were supportive, but encouraged me to be independent. I had to be held accountable for my actions. Often times they would stand back, let me make the mistake, and be there to help me when things did not go well. Most importantly, when something didn’t work, they encouraged me to try a new way. Finding new solutions to a problem are key to being successful with a learning disability. My brain works differently, and if I keep doing things in an ineffective way, I won’t be successful.

Having supportive friends has helped too. My friends may have not been able to fix my disability, but they could be my friend. Community helps a person with a disability belong, and gives them the encouragement to keep on trying.

I have known people who failed at doing something and were afraid to try again. Having a learning disability has caused me to fail at many things. I can remember struggling in my classes and failing tests at college. Math and science were my areas of weakness, but the first semester I was doing poorly in other subjects as well. I was studying and getting tutoring as needed, but despite the work, I was still doing poorly. I struggled but I was able to graduate. When I went back to school, I used accommodations such as extended test time, a note-taker, and tutoring. I had a much easier time when I did what worked. I still struggled in some classes, but my grades improved. I even made the Dean’s list for one semester.

Resilience got me through many jobs as well. It took a long time to find a job that was the right fit for me. I knew I wanted a job where I was making a difference. Some of the jobs were poorly run. Coworkers and bosses would not understand why it took me longer to do things and grasp concepts. I also lacked intuition and confidence. Despite these difficulties, I still went to work. Not every job worked out, and I was let go for making too many mistakes. The best employers were the ones who saw that I was trying. The good employers offered constructive feedback. I was told what I was doing well and ways to improve. Throughout the various settings, I learned how to handle various situations. I am still learning new things, though.

Many people try to escape the difficulties life brings them. I do not always have this option. My learning disability does not take a break. I have had to learn to work and cope through challenging situations. The majority of difficulty is with academics or learning new information. Many people think struggles with learning disabilities are only academic and contained in schools. I have struggled in schools but in the community as well. Luckily, I was diagnosed as a child. I learned how to adapt to a world that is not compatible with my disability.

Resiliency has given me the power to endure many difficult situations. In the past, my limited worldview caused me to think the circumstances would always be the same. Now I can see that things can change. I can move forward and encounter whatever life brings me. The gift of resilience has become a benefit I never expected from my disability.

Getty image by Misha.

Originally published: September 27, 2020
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