Why Students With Nonverbal Learning Disabilities May Not Have Friends Their Own Age

During high school it is not unusual for a student with a nonverbal learning disability (NVLD) student to hangout with peers who are younger or older than they are. We can keep up easier in the social world with younger peers and older peers because they often have the maturity to give us the social and personal guidance we need. But this is often misunderstood by their support team, mine included.

During my freshman year I hung out with junior and seniors who were in the popular crowd and some who were great athletes. They truly included me in so much and I will always remember how they planned a wonderful 16th  birthday party with help from my sister which made me less depressed about not being able to  get my driver’s permit. As special as it was at the time, it bothered me that my support team believed I was just trying to be “cool” hanging with popular upperclassmen. In adulthood I understand why they felt this way though at the time I was grateful  just to have friends.

As I entered 10th grade the current seniors stayed my friends and were just as amazing to me as they were the year before. They gave me rides home and took me out to dinner on occasion. Then once I hit my junior year my friends became primarily younger and socially I felt very comfortable around them. Fortunately like me, they were also runners so I got to spend a lot of time with them. Unfortunately though, my support team seemed unsatisfied and continued to encourage me to make friends with those in my class.

This was both special and difficult as I was fortunate to have good friends but thought, “Why are they not in my class”? The truth was my social skills were delayed so while I had the same interests as many in my class, I just couldn’t keep up socially with their pace. My support team wasn’t understanding that my peers with similar challenges were socially very different than me, and those who were my friends when we were younger I lost in high school because their pace for socialization was too fast for me.

If you are experiencing this, please understand it isn’t unusual. The important thing is that you have healthy friendships no matter what the age. I think resource teachers and counselors should be careful not to push students with NVLD to be with classmates too much, because when they are ready those friendships will occur. I experienced the negatives of this. I was told to spend more time with my classmates for a few weeks and it only led to more isolation because I just couldn’t keep up socially with my classmates.

In my experience, it isn’t unusual for a NVLD student to hangout with younger and older peers given our social skills delays. We should remember that what matters the most is that students have great friendships which can lead them to being more connected to people their age.