learnitwell

As I sit on the worn couch
of this bitter winter,
I reflect
on the difficult times I’m still living
and I wonder…
is what you think is good for me
going to be permanently painful,
in that – the light of eternity –
our life is a breath, a vapour, a snowflake?

Not having experienced eternity,
this life seems to be taking forever
and the pain of this moment
eradicates any past, present,
perceived, projected or potential joy.

I fucking hate this bitter winter,
because it seems to be prolonged
‘cos I’m not learning the lesson I need to.
I want to learn it well.
I still want you to do your perfect work,
but my patience with this bitter winter is wearing thin.

I don’t even know what your purpose for me is anymore
- the purpose in the fallout -
of this bitter winter
and difficult times.

© Mark Bryant 1st September, 2019

#MightyPoets
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#difficulttimes
#learnitwell

Isaiah 46:10
Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish.

John 17:4
I brought glory to you here on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.

All the things I write
are a testimony to this journey.
Thoughts, feelings, unjust dealings
and hopefully – at times – the golden words of wisdom
that come from you.

Perhaps I’ll look back and see the ebb and flow
- the weave of feelings, honest conversations,
and the life-giving Word of God,
writing redemption in the mess.

I’m still afraid of being completely honest
because I fear wrath,
and I know I’ll be the one found in the wrong.

But Jesus – who always remains the same – loves me
and asks me to cast my cares upon Him,
so as best as I can, I do.

I ask the questions borne out of pain.
I try to have the honest conversations
that will bring life and healing.

That these words I write would be a glorious testimony
how God brought us through the most difficult times
held safe in the palm of his hand.
With lessons learned well
and perfect truth becoming old-school rhymes.

© Mark Bryant 17 August, 2019

#MightyPoets
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#difficulttimes
#writingredemption
#palmofyourhand
#learnitwell
#oldschoolrhymes

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Habakkuk 2:1-2
I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost. There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint. Then the Lord said to me, “Write my answer plainly on tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.

Isaiah 40:8
The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever.”

Proverbs 3:1-3
My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart. If you do this, you will live many years, and your life will be satisfying. Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart.

Repeatedly handing over the same things.
Reality wounds and stings.
Really stings.

I think I’m moving forward,
but then a conversation changes my direction
and the objects of my affection.

I want the Lord’s purpose to prevail.
I want Him to curtail
the effects of sin,
by writing redemption within.
And – if wise – to make the journey as easy as we can.
For things to be learned well.

I don’t know if I physically have the strength to carry this –
or even to hand it over –
But I do.

Take it all.

My sin
My doubt
My hate
Write redemption over the circumstances
and situations that romance us,
and do your perfect work.

© Mark Bryant 3/8/2019

#MightyPoets
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#writingredemption
#learnitwell

Proverbs 19:21
You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.

Matthew 11:28
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

I just want this season to be over.
Learning things well has been bloody hard
and with so many loose ends still to be tied,
or worried about upcoming trials and where they might hide,
I keep putting the free horse behind the broken anxiety cart
and put prickles under my feet, rather than clover.

And as for fear, the word evokes fear:
About what battles I will need to fight next;
About how easily my emotions sway
from hopelessness to peace in less than a day.
Truly, I feel I just need a solid, blessed rest
and to enjoy your presence, knowing that you’re always near.

My God, You’re always there through everything.
No matter the circumstance, or whatever I face.
You’re always going to be completely sufficient.
Please help me to never believe any different.
To know that every season is seasoned in grace
and exclude the panic and fear from my heart, my King.

© Mark Bryant 30 June 2019

#MightyPoets
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#learnitwell

Proverbs 24:21-22
My child, fear the Lord and the king.
Don’t associate with rebels,
for disaster will hit them suddenly.
Who knows what punishment will come
from the Lord and the king?

If my eyes are only placed on others and their prosperity
- and if they get clouded green with envy -
I’m only looking at the short-term,
And material things to earn and then see burn.
A finite future or an infinite eternity.

One day, the lights that shine so bright will fade,
And we’ll see them crumble, all the things we made.
The apocalypse will come
and the battle will be won.

I wish for the eternal peace and prosperity now,
of feeling the eternal warmth and safety,
‘cos the transient nature of life drives me crazy
and I still struggle with doubt.

You will break through and overcome.
Help me enjoy the rays of sun
and although I’m afraid of this life’s hell,
help me to hold to your truth and learn things well.

© Mark Bryant 29 June 2019

#MightyPoets
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#learnitwell

Proverbs 24:19-20
Don’t fret because of evildoers;
don’t envy the wicked.
For evil people have no future;
the light of the wicked will be snuffed out.

{God,
help me rest in the peace
   that You will be with me
    through the hardest seasons
     and that I will
      emerge stronger and wiser
       on the other side.}

Seasons of pain bring so much change,
bringing hidden lies to light.
I need to know that everything’s gonna be alright.

As an innocent bystander -
reeling from the consequences of another -
it examines my motives towards my brother,
and there’s so much darkness to discover
on this painful meander.

The journey of learning things well
has been an alarming swell.
I need Christ’s presence in the storm.
I need Christ to calm the storm,
and in the meantime, to be transformed
until we reach land
in the palm of your hand.

© Mark Bryant 28 June 2019

#MightyPoets
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#learnitwell
#palmofyourhand

Proverbs 24:17-18
Don’t rejoice when your enemies fall;
don’t be happy when they stumble.
For the Lord will be displeased with you
and will turn his anger away from them.

{God,
help me rest in the peace
   that You will be with me
    through the hardest seasons
     and that I will emerge
      stronger and wiser
       on the other side.}

Though my face is in the dirt,
isn’t this the best time to pray?
God himself will dust us off
and send us on our way.
I can’t comprehend the calamity,
the hurt, what others might do or say,
but God will give everything we need
to learn things well today.

© Mark Bryant 27 June 2019

#MightyPoets
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#learnitwell

Proverbs 24:15-16
Don’t wait in ambush at the home of the godly,
and don’t raid the house where the godly live.
The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.
But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.

Appetite.
At the moment it’s liquid,
small sips here and there.
My body craves more, perhaps needs more,
than just consuming the fat store.
But the thought of even just eating
nauseates, yet it’s briefly fleeting.

I sip the honey tea,
‘cos I know it’s good for me.
I’ve bitten off as much as I can.
I can’t yet chew it,
but I will get through it.
I have to, man.

Open my eyes to the eternal prize.
Bring forth healing and victory.
Soothe and smooth.
Help us regain our groove.
Learn things well.
Ooo, there’s the dinner bell.

© Mark Bryant 26 June 2019

#MightyPoets
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#learnitwell
#justtellmeeverythingwillbeok

Proverbs 24:13-14
My child, eat honey, for it is good,
and the honeycomb is sweet to the taste.
In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul.
If you find it, you will have a bright future,
and your hopes will not be cut short.

I am failing under pressure, and my strength is small.
Or maybe I’m flailing under pressure, because I’m owning it all?
I’m walking through hell, asking for the fire to fall on me
But I can’t bear it.

God knows my heart, and he sees me.
He knows that in this situation, I’ve done all I can,
Yet I still blame myself.

Guard my soul in the fire, my Provider.
Be my escape, and guide us through.
Time will tell if I’ve learned this well.

“What now?”

Our family has been through enough.
We’re not that tough.
Every car engine entices tension.
Every social media sound shakes the ground.
Every step outside brings fright.
Please, just tell me everything’s going to be alright.

© Mark Bryant 25 June 2019

#MightyPoets
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#learnitwell

Proverbs 24:10-12
If you fail under pressure,
your strength is too small.
Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die;
save them as they stagger to their death.
Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.”
For God understands all hearts, and he sees you.
He who guards your soul knows you knew.
He will repay all people as their actions deserve.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
      Point out anything in me that offends you,
      and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
                                                        (Psalm 139:23-24)

It’s hard to know that in our pain,
we are being trained.
Imperfection pouring out of tension.

But is this just about me,
or the bigger picture of eternity?

Learn it? Well…
Learn it well!

Even when I don’t understand,
we’re all in the palm of your hand.

© Mark Bryant 24 June 2019

#MightyPoets
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#overcome
#learnitwell
#palmofyourhand

Proverbs 24:8-9
A person who plans evil will get a reputation as a troublemaker. The schemes of a fool are sinful; everyone detests a troublemaker.