** Trigger Warning **
#Childhoodtrauma
#Molested
#DetailedTriggerWarning

i did a social media reveal of my tattoos thanks to a #LightsForChester campaign which was running at the time were Chester Bennington, also a young man who survived molestation who was my hero died by suicide at the pinnacle of his career. But this was just me venting and taking a change expecting torment and i got support instead which i didn't expect - so it started as a small little post and evolved into something larger, as it progressed. i do apologize for the foul language but this is a copy paste and i will then start the true unraveling of what i was going through at the time:

"ARGH!!! It feels like i'm losing my mind - 2 hours ago i was the happiest person & now my mind is out of control ... i feel dirty & just want 2 B alone. FUCK U 4 doing this to me, 4 ruining my world & 4 taking my happiness

#ThisIsRealDepression
#fuckdepression
#TryingToShare "

So here is a deeper dive into that post:

It always starts with a flashback of many years after the damage was done. There were no warning signs by the monster who was trusted by my family, after all family is family - right? Well turns out generally the people who commit these types of offenses are trusted people, people in authority or leaders in the community. The drive to control is a dangerous path and needs to be managed to not become a monster, one of the coping mechanisms of for a young innocent man is to control everything in his life when he is older so that he can protect everyone and everything which he holds dear.

There is a triggering song, but one i like by Dido, Take my hand. But that is where the flashback starts by my step-uncle taking my hand. i was standing by my clothing cupboard, i recall as the sticker on the door i stuck im that very spot when i was 3 - and i was so proud on putting the sticker on the door, but the hand is extended towards me and i take hold of it. i'm lead towards my bed and the rest of this act i will not releave as it will trigger, if not already. What my step-uncle did, had me do, tell me to do and watch me do is sick to the core, and i will never reveal all the details even to the most trained and experienced therapist.

All i know is that that i started getting damaged, my innocence stripped from me, my happiness robbed by this evil monster everytime he was in town which qas between the tender and learning stages of life. It all happened to me between ages 5 and 11 that we can now trace him being in town - a painful process all by itself. my parents are beyond themselves with guilt that they shouldn't have to carry, and i try reminding them that despite everything which happened to me they gave me a brilliant childhood filled with everything a little kids could ask for

Part 2 coming out soon, can part 2 be worse than the Monster Step-Uncle, time will tell ... Till then - Take Care and be Safe out there, and as always sending peace and love✌❤