STORY TIME: Let's share a little bit of me.
The draw on top was one of my last draws during one of my worst periods ever. Suicidal thoughts and self harm were a daily thing. Just a month and half ago. Incredible, right?

People see me as a very shy, sweet and respectful person. They just see my smiles and enjoy my care and affections.
All my life is been like this for me because I used to think that show my struggles was a the worst weakness and dishonour. I was disgusted by it when I was younger. Noone ever saw me cry outside of my mother and father and even then it was rare. I used to hide lot of things and problems even the most dangerous one. I needed to deal with it myself because, in my child's mind, that was the right thing to do for not bother my saviours tranquillity. My parents adopted me and I had this HUGE sense of debt towards them. Plus I knew they will not understand what even I couldn't grasp at the time.
It's funny how people didn't understand that the one that they bullied, hated, grumed and threatened was not a weakly scaredy kitten at all. It's funny that people think that I was JUST a child and I couldn't understand things. I was never a child to begin with. You grow way faster when you need to learn to take care of yourself on the streets of a small south American poor town. No parents. Bad things happen to you. You stop being a child and you learn to survive and toughen up.
People never know how hard and cold I can be if only I want to but I prefer to show kindness and that smile everyone loves eheh. I made a promise to myself when I was 4 years old. I knew I had a lot of traumas, anger and trust issues inside me already then. I used to say "I didn't decide to the born. There is no hope for me. I'm broken but If I can't be happy then I will make others happy. Their happiness will be mine and I will protect them no matter what". That was my promise. That is why I learned and mastered the art of camuflaje and manipulation with the years. Just because I don't react to the shit they throw at me doesn't mean I'm defenceless. It means only that I'm deciding to choose calm over anger. It means I don't think you are mature enough to have a confrontation with me and I prefer to not waste my time. There are other ways to deal with it.
People see me as a sweet and cute kitty but I'm far more than that eheh
Just recently I started to not care if I show my struggles and pain. It's ok. Keep things inside is not healthy and talk about it openly it helped me to cope and grow my knowledge over it. I also found out that not all people are "muffins" (for avoid bad language 😅) and some will be by your side no matter what and I'm really grateful for that 😊❤️.
I'm really not so good in sharing but this app make me feel more at ease and I might share more of my life in the future eheh.

Are you a master in camuflajing?
Why do you use it?
How do people see you?
How is the real you?

#Anxiety #Depression #littleaboutme #storytime #smile