Livingwith

I kept cutting to keep the pain away. I began ordering things, not only in my room, but in my head. I soon became surrounded by contamination and I would do everything in my power to keep my father out of my room…that was the only safe and “clean” place I had left. I tried to gain the control my parents never gave me.

It was time for College. My parents wanted me to go to America. I wanted to stay Ireland. I ran away. They found me. I left everything and went to America. I
knew something was still different about me. I still didn’t have a name for it. In College I studied English. I took my first Psychology class and was hooked. I
changed my major and knew I had found what I loved. It was during my Abnormal Psychology class that we read a chapter of our textbook that talked
about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Immediately a light bulb went off and I knew this was what I had struggled with for years to give a name. A rush of relief flowed over me, along with the realization that my life was going to be very different than I had hoped.
I graduated with my Psychology degree. I met and married my husband and started going to see a psychiatrist and therapist. I tried several different
medications to stop the obsessions and compulsions and finally I found the one that worked for me. I tried many different therapists but did not find the one for
me until 10 years later. There are not therapists that specialize in OCD for 300 miles of where I live, and I don’t live in a small town.

My obsessions ebbed and flowed. I struggled with relationship OCD, trying to break up with my fiancé before we got married. I experienced so many different types of over the years that it was difficult to pin down where my would hit me next. Harm , health , religiosity, homosexual . pedophile , checking, contamination, ruminations, intrusive thoughts,
magical thinking, symmetry, orderliness, avoidance, I experienced them all.
has stolen a lot from me but it has made me stronger than I could have ever imagined. has made me resilient in ways I would have never perceived. I decided long ago that I would not let this disorder get the best of me. I would fight back; I would not let it win. I wanted to make sure that others like me would not go for such a long time without knowing what it was they were struggling with.
I have always known my life had meaning. I have often said that if I could help one person feel less alone in what they are going through, then having this demon called in my life would have been worth it. My husband and I started a podcast about . I could never have imagined the way in which our podcast would profoundly affect me. Before the podcast I knew one single person with . Now I have an army of friends and supporters who I can turn to when the dark days come. The podcast is my story and the stories of others. We are dedicated to spreading the message of what REALLY is and how it affects so many people.