community

You will never know how it feels to be me
Just breathing everyday feels like darkness is all I see
I’ve never felt normal with those around me
I just can’t help but to wish they would all accept me
Why can’t you understand my mental illness controls me
Stop saying I need to be happy like everyone should be
I wish I was absent sometimes so I can stop explaining myself
But leaving will make everyone think I gave up on life itself

❤️I love you and I’m proud of you❤️ #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ButYouDontLookSick #Depression #Community #normal #empty #Empathy

I might be doing fine, but it just feels terrible. My anxiety is through the roof. It's been at excruciating levels for over a week.

I woke up around 5am, went to the bathroom, and then went back to bed. In the following hour, my dream included dark, icy ocean waters, which caused me to wake up in a panic. This is probably the most common representation of my trauma in the dreamspace.

This past Saturday I attended Christmas at my mom's house. It was more pleasant than usual because I was able to bring 3 of my chosen family members for the first time. Everything felt more balanced.

This winter I started a couple new projects that are very important to me and bring meaning into my life. I have had to make new connections with others in order to move these projects forward and I find this to be terrifying, despite having had only positive interactions thus far.

Related to these projects, I made a mistake and communicated a falsehood to someone close to me. I have since corrected this mistake and apologized for neglecting to fact check the information before sharing it with them, but the guilt and shame I feel is overwhelming.

Recently I completed a writing project where I describe the physical abuse of my childhood. Through this I gained an even more clear understanding of why the freeze/collapse/fawn/submit responses were the only ones I learned to access. It feels really helpful and productive to participate in activities that exercise my fight and flight responses, like sports and combat based video games. I also need more practice with negotiation, and general interpersonal conflict skills.

These are the things bouncing in my head. If you feel led to share any advice or experiences, I know that this community has valuable insights. Regardless, thank you for reading. ❤

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anthropophobia #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ChildhoodAbuse #Christmas #Community

How in the world did I become a #Community leader? I don't even live anywhere near California. I'm in South Carolina.

I have a lot of difficulty with integrative practices, by which I mean my brain can be quite rigid and compartmentalized due to trauma, and it's hard to mash two compartments together.

One of the ways this presents for me as a practicing witch is my struggle to unite the natural aspects of the practice, which I find grounding and liberating, with the communal and Digital aspects, each of which I find independently triggering as well as inseparable in our modern world.

I feel the call of the hermit. My broken BPD heart just wants to be alone in the forest listening to the animals and the wind in the trees. And I'm actually taking steps to make my real life closer to the this, but I also know I crave community. This is the part that is harder for me.

Community is triggering. In my past, and particularly related to my religious trauma, community has represented a controlling force, mass enmeshment, and segregation from outside groups. The community I envision for myself is nothing like this, but I still find myself too afraid to engage much in any group of community members.

Individual interactions are also triggering. While I find it easier to cope with one person than with a group, I live with attachment issues, have difficulty reading other people, and carry a lot of residual shame that keeps me from opening up effectively. It's hard for people to understand this, and even harder to get them to stick around long enough to learn how to get to know me.

Which brings me to the Digital world, including here on The Mighty. Using screens and internet has left me feeling very ungrounded in the last couple years. I lose too much time, get distracted and unfocused, or see something triggering that could have been avoided. And then I end up thinking about all that lost time and energy I could have put into the "real world".

Can anyone else relate to any of these struggles?

Are there ways you have been able to integrate your spiritual practice into community and/or online efforts?

Do you have any other coping skills or tools you've found useful in these areas?

Thank you for reading. 🙏🌿🌙

#Disability #ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #CPTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #Spirituality #Nature #Community #MightyTogether

📺 - #Gratitude , Forgiveness, Turning Points & Transphobes - #DwhellOnIt Ep. 60 - tinyurl.com/yckytkh7

🗣 - "Hooray you! Hooray, cisnormative communities, cisnormative environments, cisnormative businesses, and cisnormative lawmakers, hooray that after millennia of #gender -diverse individuals existing in the world, you finally are starting to create a space where they do not get attacked as much."

❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived #experience as a #trans woman!

📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - tinyurl.com/nzbr8k27

‼️ - Get engaged!

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👍🏻 - Please #like & #Share !

🔖 - Bookmarks!

* What are the most significant turning points of a #trans person's life?

* How do you be #grateful for anything when all we face are hate and abuse and transphobia by everyone?

* What is something that you would never forgive?

* What are your religious and political views?

* What is the most challenging thing to understand about transphobes?

🔗 - Links!

* When does your transition end? - https://tinyurl.com/bdcp9w6e

* "You mention you don't regret the time lost. How do you do that? I'm starting HRT at 39, but I've been questioning my #gender for 15-20 years, and I'm constantly thinking about what would have happened if I'd figured it #Out or been braver early on." - https://tinyurl.com/2zcxas8y

* Let's Talk About #Sports Emm Bee! - https://tinyurl.com/44xn76r2

* How Presentation Affects Representation - https://tinyurl.com/6cyw8k39

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@HireWheller: A grassroots group to #help the 2SLGBTQIA+ #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

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👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

@TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

Linktree: linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

📒 - Alt information

* Text: Dwhell on it w/ Taylor Lakhryst Ep. 60 - Gratitude, Forgiveness, Turning Points & Transphobes - HIREWHELLER

* Description: A blonde woman wearing a grey long-sleeved shirt is smiling & sitting on a black chair in front of a beige wall. There is turquoise text with a grey & black accent.

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#LGBTQ #LGBT #Pride #equality